The Vulcan Changeling Project

No Place to Call Home

Spock sat on the floor of his cabin with Muriah. Both conversed softly in Vulcan and even before Kirk rang the door chime, Spock knew he was there.

“Come in, Captain,” Spock called out.

As the door opened Spock stood up to greet Kirk, but somehow Kirk felt as he was an outsider interrupting a scene of domestic bliss,  for Spock was dressed in his native Vulcan costume, not  his uniform, and Muriah lounged on the floor by his feet. Kirk’s jaw tightened in annoyance, “What are you doing out of uniform, Mister Spock?”

Spock raised an eyebrow and replied calmly, “I am sorry, Captain. I was showing Muriah my native Vulcan dress and I apologize for it seems as if I have been remiss regarding protocol.” Spock took a deep breath and then stood at attention, “Captain, I will accept the appropriate punishment.”

Kirk sighed, for even though Spock had not said anything insubordinate, there was an underlying sarcasm that made Kirk want to break something. “Spock, I need to speak to you alone.” Kirk snapped as he pointedly looked at Muriah.

Muriah looked over at Spock, “I am not sure where I should be, where I belong.”

Spock nodded for they both knew that she meant much more than her place on the Enterprise, but her place in the world in general. Sadness overcame Spock, for he didn’t have the strength to tell her that individuals like he and Muriah did not have a place anywhere, his gentle eyes met hers and he managed what passed for a smile on Vulcan and said softly. “I will call Lieutenant Uhura to come for you.”

A few moments later Uhura rang the chime and after beckoning her  in Spock looked down at the ground to keep from staring as she walked past him to where Muriah stood waiting, he took a deep calming breath as he inhaled her scent, it was sweet and exotic, “Just like Uhura herself,” Spock thought as he watched Uhura chatting with Muriah, as if she were a long lost sister, making Muriah feel safe, her pleasant tone of voice eased some of the tension in the room, as she spoke. She then smiled directly at Spock and Spock felt his whole world crumble for she could never be his. Spock stood looking at the door as it swished shut, his shoulders slumped, his passion deflated by logic.

“Spock? Spock, what’s come over you? Are you even listening to me?” Kirk said in a half irritated, half concerned tone of voice. Spock’s eyes glazed over as he looked at his closed cabin door beyond Kirk. Kirk spread his hands in a helpless gesture, “Spock, you can trust me, what is it?”

Spock nodded, afraid to meet Kirk’s eyes as he struggled for control over his emotions, “Captain, I will tell you everything, but first I need to compose my thoughts. Perhaps, you could come back in a couple of hours? Please, Jim, give me this time.”

Kirk was about to explode and shout, “Who do you think you are, Mister?” But then one look at Spock’s expression, his eyes veiled to hide the heart break beneath, and Kirk backed down. “Alright, Spock, but remember you are not just my First Officer, you are my friend, and nothing comes before that, we’ve been through too much.”

 Spock nodded and his lip twitched into a half smile as he said, “Yes, thank you Captain…Jim.”

Kirk left Spock and his heart felt heavy, for Spock was going through some sort of torment that Kirk couldn’t dispel. The lack of control to make Spock calm again was beyond his reach and Kirk wasn’t used to not being able to find a solution to any problem that presented itself.