Ruined

Anguished (III)

The day, the torture ended it has been all imprinted on my mind and perhaps now I'll have to live with it, all of it, the misery, the pain. I remember all of it like it was yesterday.

I feel dirty
I feel used
I feel low

all I do is sit alone, be alone and cry

please God take me

was I born to be disgraced? humiliated?
is there no such thing as love for me?

No one understands
No one cares

I slash and slit
When the outburst becomes inevitable

I hate myself for he touched me
'He' and the Monster
I hate them for what they did to me
For more then year

Nobody's for me
Around the night I cry
Why don't you let me die??

  *Present day*

Another nightmare-By the time I realized what was happening, a whimper came out. I couldn't even manage to breath properly.

I came back from school, , it was darker than usual. I prayed for the Monster to go, I prayed for it to go away, to not be home but it was.

I ran straight towards the washroom. I checked the room taking only my head out from the washroom and the monster wasn't there. I took a sigh of relief and got out of the washroom.

Slowly with a sinking heart I was walking, tears were rolling down my cheeks I feared something, I feared the monster... and it all went dark

all that surrounded me was darkness.

I started feeling pain, sharp pain in my head, my insides. It started raining punches and AC remotes.

The next thing I know, curled up on the floor I was, sobbing like an year old kid. I was on the cold floor without my unders...

I woke up

it never fails to scare me
but who can I tell it to?

the happy times aren't there
those years as well as the dark room won't leave

a sense of loss there was
ashamed of myself I was
my heart ached
pained I was

knowing that it all happened because of body,
lust
disgusted from my own self I was
                                            -Me*

They won't even let me sleep...