Ruined

Till bruised (I)

It was the day when it started, continuous torture for more then a year, the day when the terror began. The memory is still fresh in my head.

Who could forget the shitty occurrences which ruined their lives, made them doubt themselves and inflicted an eternal wound on their soul.

It was a normal day. I got bullied, but got pushed more than normal, such that my stomach got hit by the corner of the table and all went dark. Well anyways somehow I managed to pass the day made my way to my car in the off time and got home.

The moment I entered I shouted 'Ammaa!'(Mom)

I ran towards the kitchen but the backdoor was locked, which normally isn't. And I knew it meant mom wasn't at home. I remembered all of a sudden that she joined some course classes and will go there for a long time.

Who knew her presence was all that could've protected me, could've stopped it from happening. A mere presence could've saved me.

I went inside my room and changed into my pajamas and threw on a black v neck shirt.

Making my way out of the room I saw the monster sitting in the lounge and then started my biggest nightmare. A nightmare which I saw with my eyes open, the one which made me so afraid and so vulnerable, so fragile.

I still can't gather enough courage to let it out, say it out loud, I relive it every day, every night.

I still don't know what I did. I wonder at times 'what did I do?' 'What is my dreadful sin for which I'm paying every moment of my life?'

Which has made me hate myself. There's this huge empty space which won't go away.

Layers of sharp pain were coming. I screamed out loud 'stop...please stopp!!'
'For God's sake!'

Each shot on my head felt like a nail being hammered in my head.

My pajamas were thrown on the bed and I held myself limply against the wall. And there came the monster again. This was beyond anything I could take. Worms were crawling in my whole body.

I snapped on the floor, with every inch of my body hurting, I couldn't take it any more, but then there was another attack 'Ouch please...jussst stop!' I shouted as loud as I could and it stopped.

Who knew this was the first of many upcoming nightmares.

I was just wearing my shirt, could this get any more humiliating? Can anything be more shameful than this?

My stomach churned, leaving my head in circles. I so badly wanted to end my life.

I was lying there hurting from inside out, with tears rolling down my cheeks, my throat was sore from all the begging, and shouting, my eyes from crying.

I felt alone and sad.

I didn't want to be called 'attention seeking' again.

I swear I wish I'd died.

I was on the ground for God knows how long, too much pain to think about time.

It was the time my siblings come back from school. I gathered all my strength to get up but then snapped again 'Aah..!' I cried with pain.

And there I was again lying on the floor 'what should I do?' I wondered, but then I heard the beep of the car 'Oh they're here!' I said to myself, got up as fast as I could grabbed my pajamas from the bed and ran towards the washroom, ignoring my aching body

(To be continued...)