AFTER THERE'S YOU // ZESSA

Chapter 51: Not as Alone as I Thought

"Tessa, wait!" I hear Zed yell behind me as I burst through the courtroom doors and out into the open.

My feet run faster than I knew capable, as I do my best to escape the hell that is my life.

Dan was just found not guilty. He is free to do whatever he likes - even though he killed my friend and hurt me deeper than I ever thought possible. I did not even stop to talk to my lawyer after the jury read their verdict, I just ran.

"Tessa, please!" Zed shouts, his footsteps closer as my pace slows and lungs begin to burn.

Stopping abruptly, I spin around to face an out of breath Zed.

"What?" I scream, my vision blurry from the tears I was not aware were streaming down my jaw and onto my neck.

"Just, wait. We can figure this out," he says, cautiously approaching me while trying to catch his breath, his hair a mess from running against the wind.

"Figure what out Zed? Dan won. He gets to live his life and I will always be known as the girl who slept with him and accused him of rape!" I scream, as the doors of the courthouse open in the distance, people coming and going about their business like my whole life wasn't just shattered a few minutes ago in that very building.

"Tessa, I promise we can get through this. Me and you. I love you and I won't let anything happen to you. I'm here," Zed says, reaching for my hand as his voice trembles.

"Yeah, well it's a little late for that," I snap back, my eyes daggers as I turn away from his outstretched hand and begin walking again.

"What do you mean," he pleads, his footsteps once again following mine.

I spin around instantly, my body filled with rage.

"I was already raped Zed!" I scream louder, my throat aching as the sound rips from my chest. "You never once told me how bad Dan and Jace were, that they were drug dealers. And you left me at that party! You were not around, and me and Steph were practically poisoned to death. And then Dan raped me, Zed. Because you weren't there!"

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them, but am too upset to take them back. I just want to scream and blame someone for this terrible outcome, and Zed is the only one here to take the brunt of my misery.

Zed stares at me, a mix of shock and hurt across his face. He takes a step back, his eyes searching the sky for something as I see silent tears fall from his cheeks.

Looking back at me now, I see the pain in his sad, brown eyes as they lock with mine. His chest seems to shake as he opens his mouth and begins to speak.

"I'm sorry, Tessa," he says, his voice trembling while he stares defeatedly at the ground.

A small sob escapes my throat as the guilt overcomes me. I know this is not Zed's fault. It is no one's fault but Dan and Jace's. Dan is the one who defiled me so violently. Dan and Jace are the ones who killed Hanya.

"It's just s- so, so har-hard" I sob, wrapping my arms around my waist, trying to hold myself together as the cries rack my chest. "I have no one. Steph left," I cry, while I see Zed staring up at me now. "Landon is gone. Hell, even Hardin got out while he could. And Hanya is... Hanya is..." I begin, but am cut off by Zed walking over in two large steps, and then crushing me to him as I let out the heartbreaking cries I have been holding in the past few weeks awaiting the trial.

"I know. I know," Zed whispers, his hand running over my hair while his other holds me tightly against him.

"I'm sorry I said that. I just feel so angry. And alone. I should have told my mom what was going on. She doesn't even know because I was too embarrassed to tell her," I confess, the feelings of shame taking a hold of me now that Dan was found innocent. It is almost as if I am the guilty one now.

"We can tell her. I can help you tell her if you like," Zed offers, somehow still amazingly supportive even after I was so horrible to him a minute ago.

"Not yet. I can't," I cry, my sobs subsiding as I finally feel my breath evening out.

"Okay, whenever you're ready I'll be here," he says as I feel my phone buzzing in my back pocket, choosing to ignore it.

"That's not the only thing that's wrong," I confess, my body weak with sorrow.

"What is it? Let me help?" Zed asks, pulling my back from his chest as I feel my phone finally stop buzzing.

"I don't even want to say it," I whisper back, my voice cracking as I try to tell him my enormous secret.

"Tessa, you can tell me anything," Zed replies, softly cupping my face in his hands to look directly into my eyes.

"I don't think the pill worked," I finally spit out, my phone buzzing once again in my pocket.

"What? What pill?" Zed asks confused.

"The Plan B. My period never came. I'm a week late, Zed," I say through tears, biting the inside of my cheek as I watch all the color drain from his face.

Zed only stares back blankly, looking almost frozen in time as I assess his reaction.

"Guess I'm not as alone as I thought," I say, placing a hand over my abdomen.

"I think I'm pregnant. And I'm not sure if the baby is yours, or, or...his" I say through gritted teeth, the anger resurfacing as my phone continuously buzzes.

While Zed stands there in shock, I frustratingly rip the phone from my back pocket.

Pressing the answer button, I yell, "What!"

"Tessa? Are you alright?" an all too familiar voice asks on the other end.

"Hardin?"