AFTER THERE'S YOU // ZESSA

Chapter 3: Goodbyes

After driving like a maniac to get there, I finally pull up to Landon's house. I park in the same driveway I've been parking at for the past 3 months. Their beautiful house usually greets me with happy feelings of positivity and hope, but today it feels cold and gray.

I take a step out and see Landon standing in the front door, his face serious as I quickly walk up the steps.

"Tessa," he breathes and pulls me into a hug, stepping out of the doorway and onto the stoop.

"Landon," I say back, letting out a sigh of relief. I feel some of the weight lifting from my shoulders just having his arms around me. His friendship has always brought me respite from whatever problems I'm facing. We stand there like that for a moment, and I let go of the breath I hadn't realized I was holding in as he releases me.

I go to make my way into the house when I feel his arms softly land on my shoulders and stop me.

I look at him confused, ready to ask him why we can't go in, when I see it. Something in his eyes and the way his brow furrows tells me we won't be going inside.

"Tessa, listen," he says with an unsteady voice, his eyes looking up at the sky.

"What...what is it?" I reply carefully, my eyes searching for his.

He finally meets my gaze, and I know.

"Listen, you're my best friend. I love you and care for you and so does my family. But Hardin is a part of our family now, no matter how much is sucks for everyone."

I try to nod understandingly, but I can feel myself breaking down. I fear Landon can see it on my face too, but he's looking away again.

"So Karen and Ken have decided..." he says, finally looking back towards me, tears falling from his eyes.

"Landon, no." I try to keep it together, to have this conversation without letting my emotions and fears take over.

"Landon, I promise I won't get in the way of anything. I just want to help Hardin and I don't know how. I can keep you and your family out of our problems. I can be better." I'm not even sure what I'm saying. I'm trying to talk my way out of an inevitable end.

"Tessa this has nothing to do with you needing to be better. It has everything to do with Hardin's behavior. You did not cause him to fight someone. To almost kill someone in a stupid fit. You didn't cause him to go to jail, well, college jail or wherever he was."

The mention of Hardin no longer in jail drives me closer to the brink of losing my sanity.

"Was? Where is he! Is he out? Is he ok?" I demand, not realizing I've started to yell and have at some point grabbed Landon by the shoulders.

He rests his hands on mine as I slowly let go of him and lower my arms.

"He's here," he exhales.

"Can I see him?" I look behind him frantically, trying to peer through the glass door to get a glimpse of this man who has both wrecked me and stolen my heart.

"No." His replies coldly. I turn back to Landon and see his facial expression has gone from concerned to completely apathetic.

"Why not?" I say harshly, taking a step back.

"Honestly Tessa, it's like you have no brain cells when he's around!" he seethes, his face red with anger.

Ouch, that one hurt.

"I'm sorry," he quickly whispers, his voice softening. "It's just that you and Hardin are no good for each other. You are both so wrapped up in loving and hating one another that it's ruining you both. And it's ruining the people around you, too."

Landon folds his arms and looks down at his feet, frustration written all over his face.

He snaps his head back up. "You both don't even care who gets hurt because of your fucked up relationship!" he yells, throwing his arms in the air.

I take another step back and swallow hard. I've never heard Landon this angry. I'm almost in a state of shock at seeing my best friend like this.

"He's attacked me, Zed... those other idiots in his frat. Which by the way he is no longer a part of, since he'll most likely be expelled. They called today and said he's kick out of the frat. So yeah, Hardin's really done it this time."

I quickly blink away the tears threatening to spill from my tired eyes.

"Please know this isn't your fault. Please," he pleads as he takes a step closer, putting his hands on my shoulders and craning his head forward. He's only a few inches from my face, staring directly into my eyes. I can almost feel the weight of his gaze as he looks at me.

"This. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Okay?"

"Okay," I weep, the words coming out as more of a choke than a cry.

"But Tessa, you can't see him. And my family doesn't want him seeing you. They don't want him messing with your life any longer or having the repercussions affect us anymore than they already have. You must stay away from him. Promise me you'll do this for at least a little while." His grip on my shoulder tightens slightly as his look intensifies.

"I'll... okay." I say in broken sobs. The weight I felt lifted off me when I got here is back and heavier than ever. Not see Hardin? How can I? I don't care if he's wrong for me. I love him... But it seems I have no choice.

"You should go to your apartment and get our things. Before Hardin wakes up and decides to burn the house down to get to you," he says jokingly. But neither of us laughs. Who am I kidding? At this point I could see him actually doing it.

"I'm going to visit Dakota for a bit. Ken was able to get me a couple weeks off school to distance myself from all of this. I know it might seem like I'm abandoning our friendship but please know I'm not. I just need to do what's best for me right now."

I lunge into his arms, catching him off guard, and cling to his neck.

"I'm so sorry, Landon. I didn't mean for any of this to happen," I sob into his hoodie. It smells just like his house, warm and welcoming.

He lets out a long sigh and I feel his arms wrap around me.

"Tessa, when will you believe this isn't your fault and stop apologizing." He leans back and looks down at me.

"I meant what I said. I'll always be your best friend. I just need to leave. And you seriously need to get your things out of that apartment before it gets worse." He lets go of me and glances at his watch, his eyes nearly as tired as mine.

I suck in a deep breath, slowly letting it out as I think. Get it together Tessa. He's right. Stop apologizing and stop letting Hardin ruin your life any more than he already has.

I look up to see Landon staring at me apprehensively.

"Well," I sniff, "I'm going to take care of this mess. I'm going to get my things and go... somewhere, " I say, realizing I have no real plan.

I see his mouth open, ready to offer me some sort of sympathy or solution for having nowhere to go.

"Don't" I put my finger up, giving him a stern look. I take another deep breath and let the smallest smile cross my face.

"I'm going to figure it out on my own for once."

After a long string of goodbyes and promises to skype, we hug each other once more, and part ways.

I take my time driving to mine and Hardin's apartment. Though it needs to be done, my heart is screaming there must be another way.

It isn't until I'm standing in the front door that it really hits me that I'll be coming here for the last time. I push down my sad thoughts about Hardin and our love that never could last, and open the door.

I make my way to our bedroom to begin getting my things, when I hear a noise. I peek out into the hallway to see the shadow of someone in the bathroom.

He's here.