AFTER THERE'S YOU // ZESSA

Chapter 38: Funeral

"You ready, Tessa?" Zed asks from his bedroom doorway, his voice cautious and low.

I stare back at myself in the mirror and assess my appearance. I look flawless on the outside: pretty, some light make-up on my face, perfectly curled hair, my new black dress with long, lace sleeves, and a pair of lace heels bring the entire look together.

But on the inside, I am a broken soul, littered with painful glass shards that cut me over and over again from the inside out – today especially.

Because today is Hanya's funeral service – well, her wake. Her family is having a private burial tomorrow for her. And despite my lack of sleep and the hole in my heart, I must go.

Taking one last look at myself, I turn and give Zed a small nod, before meeting him in the doorway.

"You can do this," he whispers, pulling me in and kissing my forehead.

The smallest amount of pain in my chest is almost lifted when he holds me. I would describe it as more of a shift, than a lift, actually. It has only been 4 days since Hanya was taken from my world. My only true friend. I still have not heard much from Steph, other than a text asking if I was okay, and me replying with a short, yes.

My boss, Todd Johnson, gave me the rest of the week off, knowing how close I was with Hanya. He even gave every employee at Johnson Publishing the option to work from home for the week, as Hanya was someone everyone knew and loved.

So, I have spent the last 4 days in Zed's apartment – his bed, specifically. He lies down with me when he can, holding me close, kissing me, rubbing my back, trying to soothe the deep ache of grief inside me. I am amazed at how incredible he continues to be, especially since I've brought nothing but chaos to his life.

We reach the parking garage before I know it, and the ding of the elevator doors breaks my trance like state. This has been happening ever since Hanya died. It is as if my brain cannot seem to concentrate on anything other than her loss, and I seem to lose chunks of time lost in my own thoughts.

Zed grabs my hand, nearly pulling me to his car. I slide into the passenger's seat and feel my anxiety begin to rise. I have not gone outside since the explosion or been in a car. I did not realize how hard this would be.

Zed starts up the car, and visions of flames, smoke, and shouting cloud my memory as I close my eyes. I can hear the sirens off in the distance and smell the black smoke of burning rubber.

Trying to shake the haunted memories, I decide closing my eyes is not the best idea and instead stare out the window. Though I am watching the trees go by as we drive to the funeral home, I'm still bombarded with images of burnt skin, a pool of blood and Hanya's lifeless eyes.

"Tess," she chokes next to me, as I turn to see her in the driver's seat.

"Hanya, what..." I begin to ask, confused at her presence in the car. "Oh my god," I shout, once I see the blood pouring from her neck, as she continues to drive down the road.

Instinctively, I lean across the console, grabbing her neck to stop the blood.

Letting out a sigh, she calmly says, "that won't work. I have a cut on my back, too," and my eyes quickly find the piece of glass protruding from her ribs.

"Wait, I can help," I yell, reaching back and smashing my hand onto the wound, cutting myself in the process, though I feel no pain.

"No, it won't Tessa," she says, smiling back at me like she would when she'd crack a joke in the office.

"This isn't funny Hanya!" I yell, tears streaming down my face as we approach a stop light. "You're going to die!"

"It's a little funny. I mean look at me, I ended up bleeding out while all you got was a scratch on your leg," she says, looking over at me with a bright smile.