AFTER THERE'S YOU // ZESSA

Chapter 37: Falling Apart

I sit in silence in the back of the ambulance. A paramedic tends to the burns on my legs and a cut I didn't even know I had on my thigh. I feel frozen in time, like everything around me is moving at hyper speed and I'm stuck in the same, dreadful moment, reliving it over and over again.

I knew Hanya was gone. I knew it was too late, but still held onto hope. "She's lost too much blood," the man said as I was being dragged away. "There's been too much damage done to her main arteries. She's gone," another said, as they placed a sheet over her lifeless body, and left her on the ground.

The police showed up moments later and began taking pictures for evidence. I watched as they placed number markers around her body, my wrecked car, the restaurant. They tried to put me on a stretcher, but I refused to be taken to the hospital - I did not want to leave Hanya alone.

All I could do was sit in the back of the ambulance and stare at the tarp covering Hanya's body. I keep expecting her to get up, to crack some joke about how she's having a rough night. But the tarp has yet to move, and I know I will never hear her kind voice again.

"Is there someone we can call?" a woman in a police uniform asks, standing in front of me and blocking my view.

I shake my head slowly, not wanting to talk with her, or to anyone for that matter. I feel like I am drowning. Like my head is underwater, clouded with the numbness of shock and loss. It takes all the energy in me just to blink and continue sitting upright in the back of this parked ambulance.

The only other thing I can do is think. Think about how I told Hanya to stay when Steph came. How I wanted to prove a point to Stephanie about inviting others out without letting the other person know, like she used to do to me and Molly. I could have let Hanya go home. She would be alive right now if it weren't for me. Knowing I could have saved her but didn't will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I shouldn't have been so close to the explosion. She wanted me to go back, but I refused. For what? Because some man on the other side seemed out of place and I just had to know who it was. Because I was certain the ghost from my past was back to ruin my life like he promised. I am not even sure if it was him. Hell, maybe it was just a passerby. Or maybe...

"Wait," I croak, my voice dry and strained from the smoke I inhaled while screaming over Hanya's dying body.

"Yes?" the policewoman asks, surprised by the sudden break from my dull trance.

"I, I saw someone," I say, trying to clear my throat.

"Here, have some water," she says, handing me her thermos. I take a swig and try to swallow, but the water tastes like burnt poison. I immediately spit it out next to me, gagging as it leaves my mouth. It hits the pavement with a dark, murky splash.

"There's soot in your throat, rinse your mouth out a few more times," the paramedic below me says, still cleaning the deep wound on my thigh.

I do as he says, finally feeling some relief in my throat. It no longer burns, instead replaced by a dull ache as I am able to get some water down.

"Thank you," I say to the policewoman, my voice much clearer.

"Of course," she replies, taking the thermos from my outstretched hand.

"I'm Officer Sara Miles. Now, what was it you were saying about seeing someone?" she asks, pulling out a small notepad and a pen from her jacket pocket.

Swallowing painfully, I think back to what I saw before the explosion. "I saw a man. I am pretty sure it was a man. On the other side of my car - after it was on fire. He seemed... out of place. And he waved to me..." I trail off, remembering the eerie gesture.