AFTER THERE'S YOU // ZESSA

Chapter 49: Hope

"How have you been Tessa?" Steph asks, sitting across from me on my bed.

Though we have been talking the past couple weeks over text, this is the first time she has visited me in person. Both of us have had a difficult time finding normalcy in our lives again after the Dan and Jace incident, so we have not been seeing anyone really.

"I've been...okay," I lie. I am not even close to being okay. Some days I cry nonstop, others I become a living zombie incapable of emotion. And at night, I am tormented with the nightmares of my horrible past.

"Same," Steph says back, clearly understanding neither of us are actually okay. Steph is still extremely paranoid that Dan and Jace will do something to Tristan. She promised them she would not tell Tristan what happened that terrible night all those weeks ago, and she would continue to play dumb as long as Tristan could sell his portion of the cut. But I have a feeling she is done listening to Dan and Jace.

We sit there for a while in silence, both unsure what to say about our current situation. Both scared for tomorrow. Terrified of seeing their faces.

Because tomorrow is day one of the trial against Dan. The results of my rape kit, and all the witnesses at the party – including Dan – will be discussed as evidence against him.

I feel nauseated just imagining a courtroom full of people listening to the results of my very personal exam. Complete strangers will debate whether or not Dan should be found guilty of a crime he blatantly committed.

"I actually came here to tell you something," Steph says, staring down at the seam of the pillowcase in her hand, her thumb grazing it in a rhythmic pattern.

"Tell me what?" I ask, worry evident in my response. Her focus still on the pillow, I can tell there is something troubling behind her words.

"I'm leaving. We – are leaving to be exact. Me and Tristan," Steph says, finally looking at me and placing the pillow between us.

"But tomorrow is the trial?" I answer, confused.

"I know. And if I am called to be a witness tomorrow, I will give my testimony, then walk out of the courtroom and never look back at this place. Even if Dan does go to jail and I never have to see him again," she says stoically and with finite decision.

"Where are you going to go?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"I can't tell you. Not now. Not until we know what Dan's whereabouts will be," she says. "But I'm not going to disappear from your life forever. I got a new phone and a new number, and I want to make sure you have it before we leave" she says, reaching into her jean pocket to pull out a small piece of paper. She hands it to me, placing it in the palm of my hand and closing my fingers over it.

While still holding my hand, I see her eyes get a bit glassy, as she says, "I am so sorry you had to go through that. I am sorry I couldn't have been a better friend. I shouldn't have let Dan and Jace control me like that. I should have fought back harder the night Dan..." she says, looking away, unable to say it out loud, much like I have yet to say it.

"I should have refused the night they told me to bring you to that restaurant. The night Hanya died. I was absolutely awful, and I hope you can forgive me," Steph says, tears streaming down her makeup free face, a sight I have never seen on her.

I think over what Steph has said, my mind an internal debate. I was so angry with Steph for not telling me sooner, for not preventing Hanya's death. But on the other hand, she was being controlled for trying to save the one she loves. She was forced into an impossible situation.

I can choose to be mad at her for not reacting the way I wanted her to – the ways she "should" have, or, I can choose to see her as a victim of Dan and Jace's crimes – just like Hanya, and myself.

"Steph," I say back, the sadness in my heart rising to the surface, "I know. I know you could have handled things differently. You should have done this – could have done that."

I'm not sure where I am going with this, but with each word I feel a greater sense of resolve. "But we can't keep playing what if's our whole life. Something terrible happened to me, but terrible things also happened to you."

Up until those words left my mouth, I was not sure I could ever forgive Steph. But in truly forgiving her, I have also forgiven myself.

Nodding slightly, a small sob escapes her throat, before leaning forward and crushing herself to me in an embrace.

"You're too good for all of this, Tessa," she says, turning her face away from my ear as she sobs. "I hope you can get away from it before it consumes you. You have to get away from them" she cries.

"I will someday. I swear," I answer, as a tear falls from my cheek and lands her shoulder.

Pulling back, she places her hands in mine and says, "Promise?"

"I promise," I answer back.

"You better," she says, letting out a sigh and a smile as her body finally relaxes from crying so hard.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then," I say, swallowing hard at the thought of seeing them tomorrow.

"Yes. You'll kick ass, and when this is all over, we can finally have one of those happy days," she smiles, before standing from the bed and grabbing her black bag.

"Finally," I say, smiling at her as I let myself feel the tiniest bit of hope.

Walking to the door and stopping just under the frame, Steph looks back one more time.

"Bye Tessa," she says, her eyes sad yet hopeful.

"Bye Steph," I answer, feeling a weight lift from my shoulders, our heartfelt conversation freeing me of a portion of the immense sadness I have been living with for what feels like forever.

Little did I know that feeling would last no longer than a day before my world came crashing down, and life was forever changed.

A/N: Can you believe I only have a few chapters left to write?? Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this fanfic. I have loved writing it through all of quarantine and look forward to writing more fanfics soon. I am thinking of making this a series instead of a stand alone. Let me know what you think! The series version would have much more Hardin in it - so if that sounds like something you would read drop me a comment =]