Take It Back - Bucky x Reader

If you could only see...

It was the first time in his life where he truly understood what earth-shattering silence was. It was ironically deafening and loud; too loud. He stood there motionless as the howling of the blood pumping in his head, his heartbeat inside his chest, and your soft cries on the other side of that door became unbearable. His world seemed to have stopped the second he had said those words to you and, it was like for the first time in five years, it was only you and him in the world.

The moment those words left his lips, he had regretted them.

Truth is, he regretted them before he even said them. He knew with conviction that they would hurt you and they did- they absolutely did.

After much subconscious effort, he had finally done it. He had hurt you to the point where there was no going back. Whatever was left of whatever the hell was even still there was now gone. And even though you did hurt him to a point to where he never thought he would ever recover, and even though you are a heartless bitch to him, he knew he shouldn't have said that. He had crossed the line.

He knew well what you went through when you were younger. It was wrong of him to shove such a negative aspect of your life in your face. Even though he did hate you so much, he had to make an exception for that.

Especially when it wasn't even true to begin with.

His hand is still frozen around the doorknob as he blinks hot and heavy tears away.

A tremor shot down his spine as he practically felt the warmth of your presence behind the door.

His throat hurt as he swallowed down the thick and heavy lump.

He couldn't help it- you had made him so angry as you held his watch. When he made the connection he saw fire red and he was furious. The sight of you made something inside of him snap. Maybe it was the memories that overwhelmed him or maybe it was the reminder that you ever only wanted him for one thing.

But those memories - it overcame everything in his being. He had lost all self-control.

How could you?

His eyes furrow together as he remembers the reason for everything - for all this, and for his anger. He was so busy thinking about how much he hurt you by saying those words (and about the memory of the most amazing time of his life) when he had totally forgotten what you did, who you are.

He clears his throat slowly, backing away from the door, and dropping his hand from the knob.

He couldn't fall for it. Not again.

Dr. Banner had told him he had his weakness, and his weakness was you.

This was what you wanted: you wanted pity so it could look like you didn't mean it. You wanted to look like you did nothing wrong.

With tears now gone and his sadness for you now inexistent, he leaves you behind and walks back down the hallway towards the main living area. He shakes his head to himself almost disappointedly as he rubbed the back of his head, his heavy feet shuffling.

He couldn't believe he almost caved.

He had to stay strong just like he has the last five years. He had to think about his future, not his past.

He and Ashlyn had some tough times the few months leading up to their engagement, and also the first few of their marriage, but he knew that most of that had to do with you. You were a constant distraction from what was really important. The moment you were out of the picture, it was just him and Ashlyn and he was finally able to focus on just her.

Things eventually started getting better. Ashlyn was happy, she was ecstatic about life, she was enjoying the shoes she walked in, and she couldn't be more thankful. It was a contrast to what she was felt months prior.