adore you // [h.s]

64

Audrey

I haven't been home for longer than five minutes and I missed England. More specifically, I miss the boy I left behind in England. I missed those stupid green eyes and that stupid smile.

I never thought I would become a love sick puppy, but I did and I can't say I like it. I mean, don't get me wrong I love being in love, but no one told me that all you do is think about them. Like what the hell? I'm showering and thinking about how I wanted him there. I'm making coffee and I think about how he only drinks black coffee. I'm walking down the aisle at Target and I find a candle that smells just like him.

Harry made falling in love so easy though. There wasn't a single thing to hate about him, he was perfect. I've always been told, 'ah the perfect person doesn't exist,' and boy were they wrong. I have found the perfect person and I'm so blessed to call him mine.

"How are you feeling?" My mom asked as she walked into the living room.

"I'm a little tired but other than that I feel good." She smiled at me while she sat on the same couch as me. I threw my feet onto her lap as I got comfortable.

"Audrey, what happened that night?" I felt knots twist in my stomach as that night began to play in my head. I dug my fingernails into the palms of my hands, "If you don't want to talk about it then we don't have to. I understand it was a very traumatic situation." She gave me a reassuring pat on my leg.

"I mean," I cleared my throat before I continued, "I just went out for a walk and I could feel him walking behind me. He eventually caught up and drug me into an alley. I bit his hand which caused him to throw me. It's fuzzy past that point." I could feel tears burning my eyes while they begged to escape, but I had to be strong. "He pleaded guilty so I won't have to go to trial. I think they mentioned how he was sentenced to two years in jail."

"I think that bastard should get a lot longer than two years." She scoffed as she rolled her eyes.

"At least he actually has to serve time." I could hear the bitterness in my voice.

There were so many people walking away with nothing but a smack on their wrist. I don't understand how you can let someone get away with causing someone so much psychological damage as well as the damage they do to our physical bodies. It pisses me off so badly.

"Are you sure that you're okay?" My mother asked with a concerned look on her face. I understand why she is so worried about me, I've been through a lot of traumatic shit.

"I'm not yet, but one day I will be." I reassured her with a bright smile.

I know that right now in this moment things aren't completely okay, but I have hope. Healing doesn't happen overnight, it takes time. I may not be better tomorrow, maybe not in a month, but I know that one day I'm going to look at myself in the mirror and know that everything is genuinely okay. I can't wait for that day to come.

Having a good support system has helped me heal a lot faster than I would've if I was going through this on my own. It feels good to look around in a room full of people and feel seen. I have never felt that way before. I used to feel like no matter how crowded the room was no one would've heard me screaming for help.

"Audrey, do you feel up for company?" I furrowed my eyebrows at her. Please don't tell me you are bringing a boyfriend over. "I was thinking of inviting Kai over for dinner and ordering pizza. I figured it would be good for all of us, especially you two, to catch up!"

"That's fine! I'll go shower and start getting ready."

I walked back into my bathroom, grabbing a towel before I turned the water on. I thought about avoiding the mirror, but there was no point. I have been avoiding mirrors for days afraid that all I would see is an empty shell, but I can't keep living like this.