adore you // [h.s]

39

Harry

After taking the weekend off, I realized how sleep deprived I was. I also realized how lucky I was to have someone like Audrey. She went out of her way to plan a little overnight getaway even if it had the cheesiest reason behind it.

I didn't deserve someone like her.

I was four hours into my day and I missed my bed. I missed everything. I thought I would regret taking a weekend off, but now I think we should've extended it to a week.

Mitch and Sarah were in their own little world, creating music out of boredom. Mitch was killing the guitar while Sarah followed behind him on the drums. They were both so talented, and they worked so well together.

"Alright guys," Jeff started whenever he walked into the studio, "I have a couple of dates for the launch of the album, but I'm not sure which one would be best. Harry, this is your album, you pick."

Jeff slid a piece of paper across the desk. December 2019. January 2020.

"In the next couple of weeks, you will be traveling to Port Selon Harbor to film the music video for Adore You. Are you still wanting to do everything you texted me? Everything with Eroda?" I nodded.

"Eroda?" Mitch looked to me with confusion.

"Adore spelled backward," I commented back with a sarcastic tone. Mitch looked thoroughly annoyed with me, I just chuckled. "It's a fantasy island that I thought of for the new album. I really want to get the fans thinking, and I think doing something like this would be the best way."

"You are a genius, lover boy" I smiled at Mitch, "sometimes." I narrowed my eyes at him while he mocked my expression. You ass.

Jeff's phone rang, he excused himself.

"So it's time to get serious," Mitch announced while he rested back on the couch, "what are you going to do about the tour?"

"I mean, I think early April would be the best ti-"

"I meant the tour and Audrey." Mitch interrupted.

Shit. I hadn't even thought about leaving for the tour. Would she even want to come with me? I can't expect her to leave behind her life here, I know that it would be hard for her. It was hard for me whenever I first started doing this. I was homesick all the time, hell, I get homesick now.

"Have you thought about it?" I shook my head. "I mean, are you wanting her to come with us?"

"Wouldn't it be selfish of me to ask her to leave everything behind for me?"

"Do you not want her to come?" Sarah chimed in, "I don't think it would be the worst thing ever to have her with us. I understand why you would think it's selfish, but I think Audrey would follow you to the ends of the Earth."

Yeah, she would. How was I supposed to leave her behind for months? I would barely get to talk to her. If I'm miserable now, I can't even imagine how it would be while I'm thousands of miles away all the time.

She's got a career with Kai here. She takes classes here. Her family and friends are here. Would she even want to come? That's a big change for someone. How could I ask her to give everything up?

I can't put her in that situation. I don't want her to feel like she absolutely has to choose me like I'm her only option. I can't expect her to leave LA.

"I think it's time you talk to her about it." Sarah said, "The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be."

"I want her to come, but I don't think I can ask her to leave everything behind. It wouldn't be fair to her in any way. I can't ask her to do that for me, but I don't know if I could leave her behind."

Should I stay with her? Would it be wrong to walk away from her? It would save us both from making a life-changing decision. Would she wait for me to come back? You can't expect her to wait for you.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Why would I leave her? I'm happy with her. I'm myself when I'm with her.

"Do you think I should just walk away?" I blurted out.

I watched both of their expressions change drastically. They both looked upset that I would even consider leaving her. Am I wrong to consider it?

"She just moved in with you dumbass, what are you going to do? Kick her ass to the curb?" Mitch sounded very upset, giving me the answer to my last question. "I take back what I said earlier, you can be the biggest dumbass."

"Mitch." Sarah scolded, narrowing her eyes at him.

"M'Sorry, but it's stupid." I dropped my head, "I've never seen you this happy, and I do believe that Audrey has played a big part in that. Why would you even consider that? Audrey is great besides I like her more than you most days."

Mitch was right, just like always. I hate that rat bastard for being right all the time.

Sarah's voice floated through the air, she was a lot calmer than Mitch, "Why would you consider something like that?"

"It'd be the easy way out." I heard Mitch scoff.

He pulled himself off the couch and walked out. I knew that I was making him mad, that's what I did best. Mitch was like a brother to me and he has always called me on my shit, but he knew when he was taking things too far.

"If I left, it wouldn't put her in a difficult situation. She wouldn't have to choose between me and her life here. I wouldn't feel like I forced her to come with us. I don't know."

I ran my fingers through my hair. I hate myself sometimes.

"Let Audrey choose whether or not she wants to come, you can't make that decision for her. You don't even know how she feels about it yet. I understand where your heart is coming from, and I know you have no malicious intentions."

Sarah always knew how to reason with me. She let me speak, explain myself, then walks through it with me. Unlike Mitch, she never yelled at me or made me feel stupid. Mitch gave me hard love because sometimes I need it, but not all the time.

"Just for a minute, put yourself in Audrey's shoes." I laid back against the chair, "Imagine going through everything that she has gone through to be with you and all the things she's done for you. Now, imagine how broken she would feel if you ended it."

Ouch. I was almost brought to tears.

Even though I'm sitting here imagining all the pain it would bring Audrey to leave, I'm still thinking of how lost she would feel trying to make a decision. I know she wouldn't want to hurt me or let me down in any way, so she would go. She would leave everything behind in order to spare my feelings.

Why am I making this so hard on myself? I just need to talk to Audrey. I need to explain to her everything that's going on in my head.

The studio door slamming closed pulled me out of my thoughts. Jeff and Mitch walked back into the room. Jeff smiled at me while Mitch could barely even look me in the eye.

"Have you thought about which date would be best?" Jeff asked plopping down onto the couch beside Mitch. His eyes shifted between the paper and me.

"Uhm, December is fine with me." He smiled while he wrote something down in his notebook.

"Next thing we will work on is tour dates." I nodded, slipping back into my thoughts.

I can't hurt her, but I can't put her in a difficult situation. Either way, I feel like I'm being selfish. I feel like I'm not being fair to her. What the hell am I supposed to do?