Mulligans

6. A Little Fun

Chase stared into the fire, trying to locate the whitish blue flames, the concentration of the most intense heat. The fire licked at the pile of logs dug into the beach, and Chase watched, mesmerized. What was it about fire that had fascinated men since the dawn of time? It was hypnotic as it destroyed what it was given and simultaneously gave the gift of heat and light. What was also hypnotic was the soliloquy spewing forth from the girl sitting on the log beside him. He could feel her gaze blasting him from the right. She was obviously not as enraptured by the fire. Maybe soliloquy was the wrong word, Chase thought, because she wasn't just speaking to herself, although she might as well have been. He pondered that for a moment. If a monologue isn't heard or acknowledged by its intended audience, is it then in fact a soliloquy? He thought he could justify that rationale. But then again, he was occasionally grunting an acknowledgment, so that would be acknowledging her, so maybe it was more like a really long monologue. The truth was he had no idea what she had been saying, and as he glanced over at her he felt a twinge of compassion for the girl. It was obvious now that they had been set up, and she was giving it all she had.

Christie was a pretty Asian girl and a biochemistry major or something like that. Chase had only registered the first two pieces of information Tyler had told him as they drove to the beach so he could identify the girl he was supposed to spend the evening with. It wasn't like this was the first time Tyler had set him up; it was a regular occurrence. He always enthusiastically thanked Tyler for his efforts and then fell into a melancholy of anxiety for the rest of the evening. And so now here they all were, in another night of courteous discomfort, his own little personal hell. Chase sat staring into the fire, wishing to be absorbed by its heat and taken away from this situation. His date was overexerting herself in a vain attempt to gain his interest and make it a successful evening. Tyler and Bre were obviously "on again" as they cuddled on the opposite side of the fire.

Chase watched the newly reacquainted couple through the dancing orange flames and felt heat climbing up his neck and onto his cheeks. He decided not to torture himself by deciphering whether it was being caused by the fire or by jealousy. If it was jealousy, it wasn't directed at either one of them in particular, just a twisting in his gut, a tightening of the muscles there. It wasn't that he wanted Bre, or even the more likely possibility that he might actually want Tyler. Even if that was the case, he couldn't allow that thought to reside in his consciousness for too long. If it took root, he feared it would cause him even more restless confusion than he already suffered. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he realized he harbored some resentment toward Tyler. It just didn't seem fair. Tyler had been born into a practically perfect family, was handsome and charismatic, could obviously have his choice of careers and women, and was straight. How much easier could life get? It was a strange brew that stirred inside Chase as he watched his best friend, and he suddenly realized through the murky jealousy and resentment that he didn't in fact want Tyler, as he'd feared. It was more than that: he wanted to be him.

He wanted the power to make people fall in love with him. He wanted to be regarded as confident and cool. He wanted to feel comfortable in his own skin and not worry about what other people thought about him. He wanted to stop being the yes-man always looking to Tyler for approval. He wanted to stop pretending to be something he wasn't. And he wanted to stop being set up on these stupid dates.

"And then right when the fireworks started, he asked her to marry him!" Christie exclaimed, beaming from the excitement of her own story.

Chase turned to her to see if this was a pause in her monologue or the end of it. It appeared as if she was finished, and so he felt compelled to offer an insightful response: "Wow."

"I know right? So romantic. Growing up is so weird. I'm going to three weddings this summer." Christie turned and said this loud enough for the whole group to hear, her gaze landing on Bre and Tyler suspiciously.