True moon

Chapter 7- Alone

Bella POV

I feel nothing. I am nothing. I am worthless. I am empty. I am no good for anyone. The one thing that brought light into my life, has gone. And now I am blinded from his love. I only hurt those I love. And those I love only hurt me. Like he did. He. I can't bear to say his name. The boy who broke my heart. Who killed me. I only keep going for Charlie's sake. I know there will never be a day when it will get better. What kills me is that it is not just him who is gone. They're all gone. All of them. Carlisle, with a kind smile, always happy to help. Esme, I choke on her name, she was practically a second mother to me. Hell, I even miss Rosalie! At least, I could have had a little warning. Or perhaps a memory of them to look at. But nothing. And no one knows where they have gone. And I mean no one. I have asked- no begged- everyone. But no one knows. And it kills me, they didn't even say goodbye. Not even...not even, not even Alice. Not even Emmett. No, not one of them said bye. I don't know why I was suprised really. I was so stupid to think anyone of them ever cared for me. I was nothing. I am nothing. Just Bella. Plain, old human Bella. I only have one of picture of them. One picture of him. But I hate him now, loathe him. Hate for what he did to me, for what he's done to me, at least that's what I tell myself. But I know I still love him. How could I not? And I know that he's ruined any chance of happiness for me. I can't fall in love again. Who would love me? I'm a wreck. Completely ruined. And besides even if someone did fall in love with me, I'd never be able to fall in love with them. Not after him. He was perfect. A dream. I always knew I had been dreaming whenever I was with him, it was too perfect. No, I'd used up all of my luck, all of my happiness. I didn't have a chance anymore. I just wished I could say goodbye to them. Especially, Emmett. He was pratically my brother. I loved him. And Alice. How could she? I loved her. She was my best friend. I don't even have her email, her number! What best friend leaves without saying goodbye, without giving you her email adress or phone number, without telling you where she is going? Whether she is ever going to come back? What best friend does that? And even though I hate her for it, I know that I would do anything if it meant she would come back. Anything. Besides, what did I have to give up?

I feel like I'm drowning, drowning in my own pool. And everything I do, just makes me drown more. It's my fault though, I took this on when I began a relationship with him. I should have known this would happen. I should have known he would never like me. That none of them ever would.

A knock on my bedroom door, wakes me from my daydreaming.

"Bella?" Charlie asks softly.

"Bella" he repeats again. "There's somebody here who wants to see you".

Somebody to see me. See me? Somebody wants to see me. Not has to see me, they want to. I'm curious.

"Ok" I croak down the stairs. "I'm coming downstairs".

I take a deep breath and open my bedroom door, I walk slowly and carefully down the stairs, carefully watching where I step, I know I'll fall if I don't. As I approach the living room, Charlie smiles weakly at me. I avoid his gaze, I feel guilty for doing this to him. I have caused him pain. I am so selfish. I just curl up in a ball all day and look outside my window. I barely eat. I think I forget about eating. But I'm not hungry.

I should try harder though. For charlie. I know I look a complete state. I look terrible. My hair is tangled, my eyes have permenant black circles underneath them, my lips are cut- from me biting on them so much- and my bones stick out. My skin is paler than usual and my legs wobble. My eyes are red from crying and my cheeks are permenately tear stained. Whoever has come to visit me, is never going to want to visit me again after seeing me like this. A sob escapes my lips as I relaize that I am about to lose yet another friend. Charlie, seeing my distress, walks over to me. He's never been an emotional person. He's never cried in front of me and he's not really one for all of those hugs and kisses. I'm the same. But now he does hug me. He hugs me carefully- he's worried he's going to break me- and kisses my head.

"You'll be really glad to see them, I promise" he murmures into my hair.

"You promise?" I ask, my voice shaky.

"I promise" he vows.

I know Charlie would never lie to me so now I am really curious. I take a deep breath and slowly open the living room door- where I know our guests will be.

"Emmett!" I gasp, shocked. "Rosalie!" Tears fall down my cheek. "No, this can't be. I'm imagining things..." I trail off, in complete shock and confusion. Suddenly, I know what has happened, this is all a dream. Another dream. But why hasn't something bad happened yet? There's no such thing as happy dreams for me, they're always bad. They're always nightmares. Emmett's face falls. He was grinning, now he looks simply confused. Why is he confused? Rosalie's small smile has changed into a look of pity. I don't want her pity.

"Bella?" Emmett asks warily, arms outstretched.

"This isn't real" I whisper, more tears fall.

"It is, I promise" Emmett says.

He does a very good job of sounding sincere. But I'm not going to be fooled. He's lying.

"And why should I believe you?" I snark.

Emmett looks hurt. Upset. But I refuse to feel guilty.

"He promised to you know." I wince as I think of him. "He promised he loved me. He promised he'd stay. And he didn't!" I scream, as I drop to the floor in pain. "You're all liars! You never loved me" I thrash at the ground. My throat hurts from my screams but I don't stop. "None of you stopped him" My head is beginning to throb. "I never said anything about what you are. Never did anything. I put up with a hell of a load of stuff" I pause to gasp for air "yet this is how you repay me". I take a deep breath and look straight into their eyes. "I know I'm not good enough for you. I know I'm just plain, boring Bella. I know! I always thought it was unreal. It was too good to be true. But did you have to do it? Lie to me?! Get so close? Only to hurt me?" I screamed at him. I could see nothing, tears covered my eyesight.

Suddenly, I am picked up from the floor. I feel strong arms around me and I know it's Emmett, nobody else would be able to pick me up. And I know it's not a dream. I feel stupid for lashing out at them. Because they came back for me, I shouldn't be angry at them. And now I might lose them for good. I thrash my arms in protest but Emmett ignores me. I give up, knowing it is pointless. As tiredness takes over me and my body, I mumur to him softly "Thank you for coming, though, Emmett. You too Rose. Thank you" I croak "I love you".

I feel myself drifting into a deep sleep but just before I am completely out, I hear the person I least expected to say the words, Rosalie:

"I love you too Bella." she pauses and corrects herself. "We love you too".