Warmth

Spooked

Jeordie's P.O.V.

I drew in a sharp breath, my eyes wide, & my mouth hung wide open. After that, I started to hyperventilate. With each intake of air I felt like I could explode & with each exhale I felt like that would be my last breath. My heart hammered in my chest like the beat of the drums... except it didn't feel as good as it did when we played live. I felt the cold of my sweat dripping from my temple to my stiff neck & the heat of tears trickling down my already hot cheeks like gasoline on a burning stove. To top it all off, my stomach felt like a popped balloon of sort & my mouth tasted like fish water.

My eyes felt sore, blinded my light & blurred with tears. They felt hot like embers. Words couldn't really explain my panic & discomfort. Then it all came rushing back to me & a sense of shame engulfed me.

When I looked around, I didn't know what to feel. Whether to be relieved or frightened. Brian & Zim towered above the hospital bed with horrified faces. Pogo's back rested against a wall, hands in his pockets & eyes bearing into me with some sort of raw emotion resonating from him. Skold stood a good few feet away from me wearing a spooked expression on his face.

I remembered what I did. So selfish of me to simply take everything away, the things that could have been. If I did die then I'd take huge chunks of Stephen & the fans away... not that I mattered too much to fans. Still, I could imagine how devastated Stephen would be. After all that he's done for me, trying to commit suicide was how I repaid him. He probably felt as though his efforts to appease me were not enough or that he himself was not enough. That was simply not true. I was grateful for him spending what seemed like his life savings for the baby & I's comfort, despite the child not being his own blood.

When I thought things couldn't get any worse, the worst of all thoughts occurred to me. The baby...

A lump formed in my throat & I found it was hard to breathe without tears gushing out of my eyes. My side view began to blur & my eyes swelled. I wanted the ground to open up & swallow me right then & there.

God dammit. I was such a selfish mother fucker. Constantly thinking but never using my mind. The baby was probably dead.

"Where's my baby?" I wailed in a broker voice.

This is short compared to the other chapters, but it felt good to stop here. Comment, vote, whatever the fuck. Thank you for reading!! <3