Warmth

Closure For the Kids That Died

"Jeordie!" Stephen called from downstairs.

"I'm coming!" I called back. I walked out of the room carrying my medical records & stuff. We were going to attend my doctors appointment to see how well our baby was doing & check the gender. I was excited beyond anything! I couldn't think of anything else the entire day. It would be so killer to have a daughter! She'd be our personal doll, more so my personal doll. Back before the earthquake, I used to have a doll collection. Brian often played with me! He probably would love to have a daughter as well. He likes children. But, he didn't really matter to me. I bounded down the black painted stairs with nothing but the shadowed walls. There were no railings. Just an empty wall. Pogo said he'd fix it as soon as possible because be said that it was unsafe. Heck, it was! With each tiring step, I felt as if my extra weight would drag me down forward. I wouldn't have anything to hold on to to keep us falling.

"Slow down, you might fall! You & the baby might get hurt." Pogo warned. I slowed down a bit, but I still had that feeling inside me that I was going to fall. My eyes tried to avert themselves from the dark path, but it was the only thing I could see. Upstairs showed only our dark red walls & a black painted door to our room. It was scary. It was like walking through a haunted house in pitch black where anything, & I mean anything, could happen. It was like walking through an empty field with no one around for miles, alert about some opening on the ground. Then, out of nowhere, I'd fall in where no one could here my desperate screams. I made it down to the bottoms step. Pogo sat in his leather love seat with his arms folded in front of him. His foot was raised, resting just above his knee. His eyes were dark, most likely filled with so much suffering &/or hatred. It was unlikely at the same time. I treated him with so much love & respect that he shouldn't even think that way.

Stephen looked up at me & smiled, "You ready?" I nodded. His eyes shone brightly through the poorly lit room. Dim golden lights shone from the red candles on the black chandelier & on the tabLes. They cast long shadows throughout the living room perfectly. The yellowish glow illuminated Stephen's features & darkened his appearance perfectly. He looked absolutely stunning...

"Let's go!" He sat up quickly & walked toward me. Pogo took the folder from my clutch. His eyes observed me happily.

"What do you think the baby's gender will be? Are you excited? I am!" He beamed. I had never seen him so happy before! Pogo bounced a bit, trying to keep from smiling. He really looked like he was about to explode from happiness. It worried me a bit, seeing that he was so excited about the baby. Honestly, I didn't know a lot about parenting. Parenthood wasn't something I was properly prepared for. I knew how to raise a boy, yes. Properly? I didn't think so. How to raise a girl? Not so much. I mean, fuck yeah, I could dress the girl up & make her pretty, but when it comes to puberty stuff, I'd be completely lost. I'd probably have to ask for help for that one. Also, giving birth fucking scared me! I have a penis. So, when I get into labor, by baby would come out through there & possibly get choked. My member would be gigantic after that but at the same time hollow. If the kid came out through my rear, it'd come out smelling like shit. It would be incredibly painful, too. If it hurt me up to the point where tears streamed down my cheeks when I had fat cocks up my ass, it'd really hurt more if a watermelon sized thing squeezed out of there. I didn't know what to expect. Also, breast milk is an essential thing in a baby's life. I've read that when the milk first comes out, it is packed with numerous nutrients & babies just have to drink it.

I smiled sheepishly, despite all the scary things that rocketed my skull.

Stephen's smile faltered. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders encouragingly. "C'mon, it won't be so bad! I'll be there with you in every step of the way. I promise," he smiled. I smiled, too. Hearing those words made me feel a little less frightened. He was there to help me out & provide me with love along the way.