I locked myself in the room and I let myself cry out. Men can still cry their heart out right? I'm still a human. I'm fucking wrecked and I don't know how to move on with all of these shits happening in my life.
Lancie wants me to get out of her life, and saying she won't come back to me even her memories come back.
Sabagay, ano nga ba namang laban ko sa pamilya niya? May asawa siya, may mga anak. I'm just a part of her past now. A fucking extra who wants to be a part of her life again.
I've been thinking of a lot of what ifs. What if I didn't disappear that day? What kind of life do we have now?
What if I came back earlier? Maybe I still got the chance to meet my child and he's not dead now.
I felt my tears on my cheeks again. Sa isang iglap para akong isang basura na tinapon niya nalang.
But I know how important is family to her. She doesn't want to be like her Mom who cheated to her father but she just did. She cheated with me and now, she's correcting that mistake para lang hindi matulad ang mga anak niya sakaniya. She wants me out.
Shall I give up? I don't know. I just don't know what to do now. All I want as of now is to know the reason why my child had died.
My phone started to ring at wala akong balak sagutin ang anumang tawag ngayon. Nawalan ako ng gana sa lahat ng bagay. Parang gusto ko nalang matulog at huwag ng magising. Fuck! This is so depressing.
The phone call ended but it started to ring again. I grabbed it and was about to end when I finally saw the caller.
I smiled on the screen. I wiped my tears and put a smile on my face. It's a facetime. I don't want to look miserable in front of him though.
"H-hello, baby." I answered while still smiling.
"Hi, Daddy! How are you po?" He looks so happy. He is smiling and it sends energy to me. He is like a charger to my drained soul, mind and body.
"I'm good? What about you?"
"You're not sure, Daddy?" Malungkot na tanong niya. "Did you cry? Why your eyes are red? Hmm, and your nose?"
"I just have colds baby. I'm fine."
"Daddy, I'm s-sorry. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you that we went here in Europe." Yumuko siya at hindi makatingin sa akin. He looks so guilty.
"That's fine. I understand if you didn't tell baby."
"I actually wanted to tell you but Mommy stopped me."
"W-where is she? How is she?"
"I don't know po e. I'm here at my Lolo's house with my nanny."
"Nanny? The one who picked you up in the bar where we first met?"
"Yes po."
Oh. I didn't know they also bring his nanny here. Pero noong mag kakasama naman kami sa Pinas wala siyang nanny? Hands on ang pag aalaga sakaniya ni Lancie or I just didn't see her?
"I'm here in Europe too. I'm staying in a villa with my friends."
I stood up from my bed and I showed him my room. I opened the sliding door and went to the balcony to show him the view.
"Hmm, I know po. Cole told me that's why I called you rin. I want to meet you. Can we meet, Dad? I miss you."
I smiled with his request. His Mom and I are not okay, but we can still meet right? Nothing's wrong with it. I won't do anything with her child.
