With Hands to Hold | ✔

|18|

Spiraea felt empty, though she didn't understand why. She had never particularly thought wanted to have children, she never had a reason to want that kind of future before. Now, whether she wanted it or not, she would never have it.

She felt disappointed with herself, she felt as though she had disappointed Vincent too. After Vincent had expressed his desire for a future family, her fate just felt like another kick to the stomach.

She had betrayed him, she couldn't give him what he wanted. It frightened her to think that he might no longer want her. Would he, could he choose that he no longer wanted her? If he did, what would happen to her then?

Her heart squeed thinking about him leaving her, she couldn't stand the thought. She liked him, she wanted to stay near him.

She curled deeper into the warm furn of Vincents beast; they had spent the night on the floor wrapped around each other.

The beast in question shifted lightly, feeling the girls every moment. Even in his sleep he was attuned to her; he could tell she was awake. Not wanting to startle the small girl, he continued to snore. With each deep breath, his body rose and fell moving in sync with Spiraea's own breathing.

Now that she was awake, she felt disgusting. Like if she were a disease, or had betrayed Vincent all in one. Her heart pounded painfully against her ribcage as she thought of facing Vincent.

She pulled away from the massive furry wolf beside her, on her mind she convinced herself it was because she needed space, to have time to just take a shower. Despite her rationalisation, she still felt guilty, because she knew a large part of her didn't want to be near him.

She rose to her feet with the intention of heading upstairs, only pausing to give the wolf one last glance longing glance from the doorway.

Once her footsteps receded, Vincent as his wolf, yawned and stretched tiredly. Sleeping on the floor wasn't really comfortable, but he had been with her so it didn't matter.

Even with all the pain and loss that he felt, that they may never have a future, a part of him was happy too. They had taken a huge leap in their relationship when she accepted his beast - it made him want to gather her in his arms and kiss her long and romantic, like it was their first and last all rolled into one.

He had expected her to be startled, frightened and mistrustful of the beast. Considering all the abuse she had experienced, it was warranted. Except she wasn't, she ran straight into him and embraced him- wolf or not she wanted his comfort.

He stretched his front paws out, the his hind legs as he did a wolfish downward dog yoga pose before standing to his full height.

His senses were so much more heightened in this state. He could hear the sound of the shower running in the upstairs bathroom, and in this state it wasn't enough to cover the sound of the girls soft sobs and whimpers.

He trotted up the stairs,sitting himself in front of the closed bedroom door. His tail thumped against the floor in a nervous rhythm whilst the beginning of a whine built up in his throat.

The sound of the shower stopped, so did the sobs, instead it was replaced by shuffling and sniffling.

Spiraea flicked through the wardrobe numbly, her mind an empty fog. She could neither feel nor think, she simply felt the weight of emptiness within.

Flashes of all times in her life that she wasn't good enough plagued her, and now she had another memory to add to the collection.

She settled on a plain black t-shirt and a pair of jogging bottoms. Perhaps cooking something would make her feel better, so with that thought she decided that she would occupy herself with making breakfast.