The Unknowns

Chapter 20 Explanation

Josh looked at the man, then at me, then down to my blood-soaked hands.

I could feel the tears of regret start to well up in my eyes, and my heart sank at the thought of hurting someone so badly.

"Grace?" He said again. "Grace what happened?"

I shuffled through the endless thoughts going through my mind, and even though the correct words were right there, and I all I had to do was speak them... they just wouldn't come out.

As the man's unconscious body was removed by a group of people that I didn't know, I began to speak.

"Josh... let me explain... H-he h-he brought up my mother!! A-and a-and called me princess! My only instinct was to hit him. I just wanted some answers..." while speaking, I noticed his facial expression had gone from displeasure and disappointment to outraged.

"He didn't give you answers so you broke his nose and beat him until he fell unconscious!? That is the most absurd response I have ever heard of!" He bellowed.

"I'm sorry!!" I screeched back, louder than I had anticipated. "I became so livid... I couldn't control myself!"

"Maybe you should figure out how to get a grip on your resentment Grace." He replied angrily.

"Why am I trying to justify what I did to you?? You are not my parent Josh! I know what I did! I am completely aware that my response to that man's stubbornness was utterly ridiculous. There is nothing I can do about it now. It's over and done, and I am absolutely ashamed of what I did, and how I behaved, how can you possibly stand there and lecture me about that?" I got up close to his face while I yelled at him, and pointed in different directions to enunciate my explanation.

He intently watched the ground as if I had destroyed his anger with my claim.

"Grace, I-" he was cut-off mid-sentence by my family running up the stairs. He turned around to meet my father's horrified gaze and opened his mouth to speak, but wasn't given a chance.

"Grace Marie! What is all over your hands!? What have you done!?" He roared.

Aw crap.

"Dad, I-I-I'm sorry!" I replied, unable to muster up any more words.

My father stared at me and waited for more description of the situation.

My sisters then ran up the stairs and stood at the edge of the final step and gasped through their hands, covering their mouths.

"Come with me. Now." My father clutched my right arm tightly and led me to the up-stairs lab, while my sisters followed.

I turned around to see Josh one final time, and regretted it as soon as I saw the unexplainable sorrow that was now plastered on his face.

***

Here comes another lecture.

My father tossed my arm to the left, wanting me to sit on his cot.

"Start explaining." He spat.

"Dad, I- he-," without warning I burst into tears. He just kept staring at me, unsure how to respond to my unexpected outburst of emotions.

"He called me princess, and mocked mom. It came only out of instinct, I don't know why I hurt him so badly, but something snapped, and when he tried to hit me back... that's when I lost control." I choked.

"What's wrong with you Grace!?" Kelsey cried. "We all have to deal with the fact that mom died! You're not the only one struggling here! You don't see any of us acting the way you have!" She flailed her arms violently as she spoke, and my father stood up to try and calm her down, making the tears come faster and my sobs grow louder.

"Kelsey stop it! Leave your sister alone! I guarantee if you were in her situation you would have done the exact same thing!" He shouted as he held her shoulders firmly.

"There is no excuse for what she did dad!" She responded as she pointed at me.

"You are not my mother!!" I screamed.

The room fell silent, and I could see Kelsey's eyes start to well up with tears. My father released his grip on her shoulders and looked at me with pity streaming out of his eyes.

"We're a family." Ramona said simply. "We're a family... and look at what we're doing to ourselves. We're falling apart. This isn't what mom would have wanted." She got up, walked over to the three of us and placed her arm around my shoulders.

"We all need to get a grip, and deal with the real problem at hand. Not fight with each other. What is that going to solve?"

Not one of us had anything to say after Ramona was finished. Instead we stood in a semi-circle and began to cry.

We stood there for a long while, without breaking our endless stares at the floor beneath our feet.

Kelsey would occasionally put her hands over her eyes and cheeks, as well as Ramona. My father however silently wept, while occasionally flinching away from the tears flowing down his reddened cheeks.

***

"I think it's time for us to all get some rest." My father said simply.

My sisters and I did not protest, instead we all hugged him, told him we loved him, and left without another word.

Kelsey and Ramona walked down the stairs together, while I stayed behind to find Josh now sitting exactly where I had left him.

He held a look of remorse when our eyes met, and I could not help but run to his side and embrace him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered in my ear softly. I took his face in my hands and watched him until he finally looked into my eyes.

"If anyone should be apologizing it should be me." I said, my voice cracking a little, making me blush.

This made him smile. He then wrapped his arms tightly around my waste and pulled me in for a long kiss.

I pulled away, remembering that my dad was only a few feet away in the other room and said, "The roof is 'forbidden territory' now, can we migrate to the closet?" I asked. He laughed gently and nodded his head.

***

He pushed the coat closet door open and grabbed the light-string once again.

As we sat on the floor, he asked me about what my family and I were talking about, and told me that all he could hear was shouting, but didn't want to eavesdrop.

I explained everything, trying to fight back the tears. While I was doing so, his facial expressions would shift from one feeling to the next.

He was a difficult person to read in the beginning of our friendship, but now, I could tell what he was feeling with a simple expression, or even the tone of his voice. When he is upset about something, his voice deepens and becomes solemn and his eyebrows tend to come together. Or when he is angry he will look at me very intently, and be very stubborn.

As I finished he began to empathize rather than pity me. Simple phrases like "I know how that can be" or "I know what you mean"... I value them beyond explanation and expressions; he wouldn't just repeat, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he had true implication behind his words.

"Thank you Josh."

"There really is no need to thank me sweet heart."

"You can't just call me that and expect me to respond with words of value!" I said, with my face beginning to light up.

"I'm just doing my job." He said. He placed his hand gently under my chin, and pulled my face up to meet his, and kissed me softly.

"Goodnight baby girl." He whispered against my ear, making me shiver.

"Goodnight Josh." I said as I reached up to pull the string to turn off the light.