The Unknowns

Chapter 19 Losing Control

My father was hunched over me, shining a bright light into my eyes.

I opened my eyes slowly, still trying to get used to the light, I squinted at him and a faint smile spread across his face.

“I have never met someone as klutzy as you Grace Marie. Are you alright?” He asked quietly. 

Gathering my thoughts I answered, “I’m okay…” I took a deep breath, sat up, and then continued, “I’m sorry dad. I didn’t expect to be that disturbed and to faint like that.” “You don’t have to apologize sweet heart, I thought that might happen when you saw her, I should’ve warned you.” He placed his arm around my shoulder. I was extremely comforted by this simple but sweet action. It brought me back to about a year ago when, being the emotional teenager that I am, I was having a hard time with school and was more stressed than normal.

***

I sat in the corner of my dark, barely lit bedroom, crouched against the wall with my arms wrapped around my knees.

I tried to hold myself together, tried to control the endless tears streaming like waterfalls down my cheeks.

I whimpered and wept for what felt like days.

I was completely alone.

After about an hour of sitting… holding that same position without failure, my father gently knocked on the door and opened it without my consent.

“Grace? Grace what’s wrong?”

My father and I had been left alone that Saturday afternoon while my mother was on a business trip, and my two sisters were with their friends.

I didn’t look up at him, nor did I say a word. Instead I stayed perfectly still and started at the carpet beneath my feet.

“Grace please, speak to me. You know you can tell me anything.”

He entered the room and sat beside me. I then began to sob uncontrollably and fell into his open arms.

“I don’t know what to do dad!” I squeaked. “Help me please! I’m so lost and confused. I don’t know how to deal with my own emotions. I don’t know how to handle all of this schoolwork. I’m stressed all of the time. I’m scared for the future… for college… what am I supposed to do dad?”

We sat in silence for a long moment, and I began to worry that he would criticize me for acting so childish but he continued to hold me and listen to every word that I said.

“Grace,” he began “I’m not going to tell you that I understand how hard it is to be a teenager. However, I do understand to some extent, what being a teenager is like.” He paused and winked at me. “Dealing with all of the emotions that life throws at you is hard my dear, and quite frankly… the emotions never go away. You only learn how to cope with them more as you continue to grow in age and in understanding. Unfortunately, growing up is challenging and a lot of the time… unfair. Now, I know that all of this may seem very redundant, and I don’t know if any of this is helping you, but what I’m trying to get across is that, I know you are a very strong girl, and even though life may seem very unfair, stressful, and a struggle in itself… you have the ability of becoming such a powerful women, and though school is hard right now, and most likely will be for as long as you further your education; just know that one day, all of this heart ache, stress, and endless hours of tears,” he paused and wiped a tear from my face. “Will have brought you to a wonderful time in your life where you worked hard to become what you wanted to, and you struggled, kept on pushin’, and you kept trying, you got back up even when you were knocked down… that’ll be the day sweet heart. When you achieved what you worked so hard for.”