Not Desperate

Chapter 16 They're still heere

Chapter 16

They’re still heere

            The next morning came too soon. I did not want to get out of bed. When the smell of bacon made its way to my room, I was able to find the strength to crawl out of bed. The kitchen was alive with activity. Helen was making breakfast and Michael was assisting, while Paul was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper. “Good morning everyone. It smell so good in here.”

            “Thank you honey. Good morning to you too. I thought I’d make some food since Michael was up. Hope you don’t mind.” Helen said.

            “Not at all. Nice to know I don’t have to feed the pit this morning.” I said, looking at Michael.

            “Not funny mom.” He replied.

            Paul looked up from his paper and said, “Thought after we eat, we’d get ready to go. We can stop and buy flowers then head to the cemetery.”

            “Sounds good,” I said. “On our way back we can stop and have lunch somewhere.”

            Two hours later, everyone was fed, clean and dressed. After buying flowers at the shop in town, they headed to Woodlawn Cemetery. She hardly ever came here anymore. It was only for Michael’s benefit now; she was over it. As soon as the truck stopped, Helen began to cry. My first instinct was to tell her to grow up and get over it, but I knew better than that. I would lose my mind if I ever lost Michael. No one spoke as we walked toward David’s final resting place. I spent fifteen years married to this man. It had been wonderful in the beginning. He made me feel good about myself for the first time in my life. It didn’t take long, however, to realize that all his beautiful words were lies.

            Helen and Paul stood on either side of Michael in front of the grave marker, while Yvonne stood behind them. They just stood there in silence for a while before Helen walked forward and placed the flowers in the vase at the head of the grave. Paul walked forward and put his arm around his wife, both of them weeping silently. Michael walked back to his mom and put his arm around her waist. To her surprise, her eyes began to fill with tears. It had been so long since she had cried over David, it had been long before he died. But today she was realizing where she was emotionally. She didn’t miss David anymore, she had stopped loving him a long time ago. She had fallen for his charm and his persuasive words. She had believed everything he told her because she thought it felt right. She had married him out of shear desperation. He was her only hope of not being alone for the rest of her life. She ended up feeling more alone than she thought was possible. She thought about Daryl and began to wonder if she was headed down that path again. The thought made her nauseous. She would never allow a man to trap her like that again, even if it was Daryl Dixon. She had lived with emotional pain and hurt her whole life. She would do whatever she had to do to keep that from happening again.

            Helen and Paul remained quiet on the ride when they left the cemetery. Only Michael’s voice could be heard, trying to influence them to where they would be having lunch. Yvonne was as emotionally drained as her in-laws, but for a different reason. They were mourning their son, she was mourning the life she could have had without him. She couldn’t honestly say that she totally regretted her marriage, it had given her Michael, but she always wished it could have been a more satisfying relationship. That he could have loved her like she wanted to be loved, that he could have been in love with her. When they finally made it back home after lunch, Yvonne was just about to call Daryl when Helen approached her and asked if they could talk.