i am constantly at crossroads
between being angry at you,
loving you,
forgiving you,
and moving on.
and my god it is exhausting.
i saw my therapist again
and told her all about you.
about this roller coaster
i always seem to end up on.
she asked me to think hard
about whether the highs
are worth all the ups and downs.
the twists,
the loops,
the throwing up,
the messy hair,
the anxious pit in my stomach.
all i could say is i do not know.
the sky was on fire last night
and it reminded me of you.
i know you put on a show sometimes
because you hate when people know
you're upset,
or depressed,
or hurting.
i just hope you're as alright
as you seem from the outside.
