5 Things I Would Go Back and Do Differently...
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1. I would not get attached. I would love you, and care for you with everything I had. However I would not attach myself to you. I would not make you my happiness because I did once, and now I am depressed again. I will never attach to anything or anyone again because this is the worst and most dragged out pain I have felt in a long time.
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2. I would not tell you about my sadness. I truly believe I ruined us because how could I have made you happy when I couldn't and still cannot keep myself happy? I would keep myself a secret, and then you would be happy with the better side of me.
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3. As soon as things got rough, I would have changed everything to make it better. I would work with everything in my might to get you back, make us happy again. You were my whole universe, and I should have treated you like one. I waited until the universe fell apart to do something, and I lost the only thing that mattered...the only thing that still seems to matter.
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4. I would listen. I would not be stubborn, or have to be right. I would put on a jacket, and stop reading sad books, and stop dying my hair, and stop hurting myself. I would accept compliments, because they did mean the world to me, I just didn't know how to show that. I would figure it out now.
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5. I would give you the world. Anything you needed or wanted, I would find and do on the drop of a dime. I would show you everyday I loved you by doing everything I could to make you feel how special you are. I would love and love and love.
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But fuck this hurts because the saddest part is it doesn't matter. I don't think you'd ever give me the chance to try it again...
