29) You're Going To Need To Change Your Ways

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Never Seen Anything Quite Like You Too:

29) You're Going To Need To Change Your Ways.

Beep.

A pain like I had never felt before coursed through my body. I've felt pain before but nothing like this. There was the pain of breaking my arm when I was seven and I was roller skating with my mother. That hurt a lot.

Beep.

There's the pain in my mind. You know when you think that you really are all there in your head? That you have got your shit together? All it takes is for just one person you trust to say that you're not even close to sane. It doesn't even have to be someone that you trust. It can be someone you absolutely hate. Someone who your soul just despises with all of its being.

Beep.

One word from them can make you do something drastic yet it takes several from the people you love to make you change and even then, with those several words, you still will not do anything to change your ways. So why is it that we obey the people we despise but disobey the people we love. Answer me that! Is there even an answer? I don't think there is. Is it something to do with our emotional or psychological set up? Some programme that we instantly follow despite the logic? Or is it some kind or rule or law? Something that must obeyed, no matter the cost? This question needs to be answered one day.

Beep.

But what about the pain of disappointment? Or even embarrassment. Or both. Both of those emotions at the same time can kill you. Now that is pain. Physical pain you can get over with time. Emotional and mental pain however, that takes time. Seconds ticking away on the clock and each second counts towards recovery. What about feeling the disappointment radiating off of the person next to you. Even if you have your eyes closed, disappointment is the main emotion I can feel at the moment.

Beep.

So now we have an equation. What happens when you combine physical pain, emotional pain, mental pain and the pain from someone else together? The answer: it's the worst type of pain one can endure. You don't ever want to endure it and I really would not wish this on anyone. Not even Danny and I hate that sod more than I even care to go into right now. But the person who I hate the most right now? It's myself. What have I done to myself? What have I done to Glen? My urge for control has sen me toppling backwards over the ledge just like I did in my dream ages back. That massive gust of wind was a mixture of Danny and my own god damn mind. Now I've fallen backwards off of the ledge but Glen has saved me. His words saved me. His bringing me here has saved me. I guess.

Beep.

My eyes opened to a blurry haze. I tend to call them the Dracula moments. You know when you're sat in a dark room and suddenly someone switches the lights on and the room is flooded with light? Then you blink rapidly as if your life depended on it whilst your eyes adjust to the sudden change of light in the room. Well that's what happened to me just then. That slow opening of my eyes helped slightly but the movement still had consequences of blinking in quick succession and a crease in my forehead as I frowned.

Beep.

The whole room was white. As an artist you learn to associate colours with different items, places, and emotions. So yellow, I always associate with the sun or a banana. I remember as a kid I used to draw the sun in the top right hand corner of the page with three or four lines of varying length coming out of the sun to represent the light and heat waves the sun omitted.

Green represents the grass and nature as a whole. As an artist you pay particular attention to the different types of greens that make up nature in the spring and summer and the different types of orange and brown that make up to colours of autumn.

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