Loving Our Journey - (MewGulf, Canon Compliant)

I Don't Want to Go to Rehab

Mew's POV

I was arriving quite late because I had had to attend a seminar that morning.  We were going to learn a new routine for the next fan meeting.  I climbed the stairs two by two to win a few seconds, but when I got upstairs, the sight before me made me freeze in my place.  I couldn't avert my eyes from the sweet couple behind the column, who were doing a terrible job to conceal what they were doing.  Boat was leaning on the column and Mild was leaning on him, his hips resting on Boat's.  Mild was playing with Boat's face, squeezing his cheeks and his mouth.  Boat was holding him, both arms around Mild's tiny waist, tracing Mild's spine with the tip of his fingers.  They were talking and laughing in a very low voice and their eyes were twinkling.  I couldn't repress a smile.  A warm feeling spread in my chest, but I also felt a pang of jealousy. 

'You've learnt the news?' Kao asked me grinning when he passed beside me, dashing to the rehearsal room.  My smile widened and I chuckled.  At that moment, p'May was leaving the room so she came through the hall to say hi.  As soon as she noticed where my eyes were drawn, she frowned.  'I'm sorry, nong. You know that your situation is different, right?' She said with a tinge of sadness.

'I understand,' I said as articulately as I could, trying not to choke. 'I'm going to the toilet,'  I said.  I spent at least ten minutes hidden in a toilet cubicle trying to control my emotions, which were all over the place.  I had to stop being selfish and greedy, but how?  My chest felt tight and heavy, I was having trouble to breath and I felt my stomach churning.  I was too anxious.  I needed my medicine.  I inhaled and exhaled deeply several times and I left the restroom.  I entered the practice room and when I saw him, my lips curved instantly in a smile.  I walked slowly towards yai nong and the boys.  Mild and Boat were already there.  I placed myself next to him, with the intention to wrap his shoulders with my arm, while I said 'Good morning,' to everyone.  However, he moved suddenly to grab Mild's hands and said 'Have you heard the good news, phi?'

'I haven't heard, but I certainly saw!' I said quickly, trying to hide my disappointment.  Mild and Boat blushed and everyone laughed.  They told me what had happened in the bar and I regretted leaving early that night.  We were called to start practising a dance and we had to stop talking until we were given a break.  'Finally,' I thought.  I still needed some quality time with my Bii to feel better.  

'You didn't tell me!' I protested.  

'Ow.  You didn't call me yesterday. Sorry, khun phi.'

'You can call me too, you know, krub?' I tried to grab his hand but he moved it swiftly and I couldn't reach it.  He smiled shyly and left to drink some water.  He looked adorable, I wanted to squeeze him and spend a couple of hours cuddling to get rid of all my anxiety and weariness, but he seemed quite elusive.  When we finished the rehearsal, I invited him to have a meal, but he said he was a bit busy and left.  The next day, we had the fan meeting and everything was great.  Waanjais were happy and our interactions had been on point.  However, every time I had tried to touch or hug Gulf backstage, he had avoided me.  

By the end of the show, I was already freaking out.  This was my biggest fear come true.  'Was he avoiding my touch when it wasn't business related?' 'Was he scared that our relationship could change like Mild and Boat's had?' 'Was he repulsed by the idea of male boyfriends?' I knew some straight men who liked having sex with men but were totally against the idea of having a relationship. 'Was this Gulf's case?' 

Since the previous day, I had been feeling a little under the weather. I had been coughing and feeling exhausted.  With all this thoughts, my anxiety peaked and I started breathing with difficulty again.   'Go to the hospital, khun phi,' he told me with concern. 

'I'm fine, yai nong,' I answered coughing and breathing heavily. 

'Khun phi, don't be a child and go to the hospital!'

'Are you worried about me?'  I don't know what answer I was expecting when he wouldn't even let me touch him.

'You are coughing too much and you seem very tired, phi,' he said softly. 

'I'll go tomorrow,' he didn't look very pleased, so I added 'Don't worry, krub.' I couldn't help feeling down though, since he didn't admit that he was worried about me.

That night, however, I had a high temperature and I almost fainted, so I ended up going to the hospital.  'I just wanted to let you know that I'm in the hospital,' I texted him.  

'Who's with you?' He answered.

'Phi Boss, don't worry,' I texted back.  I didn't believe that he would be worried, it was more like a wish. 

'OK,' he answered.  His answer made me feel sick again and I had to blink back the tears that were menacing to break free any second.

'Don't be scared, nong.  Everything will pass in a minute and you'll start feeling better in no time,' the kind nurse told me soothingly, probably thinking that I was scared of the needle.  She finished putting an IV in my arm and said smiling 'Have a rest, nong. You'll feel stronger in no time, krub.'  I closed my eyes and although I wasn't sleeping I heard the ambient noise as if I were under water.  However, around twenty minutes after his last 'OK' message, I heard his sweet and tiny voice greeting p'Boss from a mile away and I felt his hand on my right knee.  That was exactly what I needed.  My medicine, my only drug. 

In a second, I felt full of life.  I felt as if someone was pulling me to the surface and I finally could breath.  I smiled even before I opened my eyes.  He leaned towards me, hovering over my face.  He was wearing a mask, but I knew he was smiling because his eyes were glinting.  

'How are you feeling, phi? Next time you have to listen to me earlier, krub!' He teased me.

'Next time I will,' I told him softly, with a wide grin.  I could feel how my heart pounded quickly inside my chest. I felt it was expanding outside my body and it was going to burst.   He moved his hand from my knee to my cheek, then my forehead and finally he brushed my hair out my face. 

'I don't think that you have a fever now,' he said taking his mask off and showing me his lovely smile.  He traced the IV with his eyes and his look suddenly clouded and his smile faded.  He bit his lower lip and frowned.  I wanted that smile back, so I teased him a bit:

'You can be in charge of my medical records now, I won't doubt you again, nong!' I chuckled.

'You bet, krub.  You haven't been resting enough and you eat too little,' he muttered, with the same concerned expression.  He was worried.  Really worried.  To confirm that he cared about me made me so soft...