The Singer's Girl

Chapter 28

CAROLINE'S POV

"Just lay down on this couch." Taylor said while grabbing me a blanket. I laid down and she covered me with the blanket.

"The show will probably already be started when you wake up but that's okay." She added, crouching down so she was at the couches level. She looked at me before leaning in to kiss me on the face.

"Mmkay, I love you, goodnight." She said to me and then got up to finish her hair and make up. I was actually tired, which Taylor thought was wonderful. She had described my state as 'extreme lack of sleep' earlier and I guess I was finally ready to sleep.

We had been in Asia for about a week now and today was the day of the third show of the 1989 tour. We had arrived in Singapore early this morning and not long after we came to this arena. I had been up for a little over 24 hours, the jet lag didn't help my situation. I hadn't slept much this entire week, and just as I knew she would be, Taylor was worried. So as soon as is shown signs of being tired she took advantage of that and had me lay down on this dressing room couch while he was getting ready for the show.

I rolled over so I was facing the back of the couch because I hated feeling like everyone was staring at me. I shut my eyes and surprisingly I didn't feel like I was going to have anxiety. I could hear Taylor's voice from across the room and just like her voice did when I had anxiety attacks, it kept me calm. I was eventually lulled to sleep by the background noises in this room; the air conditioner, footsteps, makeup containers being put down on the counter, keys jingling every time someone wanted to come in, and voices.

As soon as I fell asleep I was out cold for about 2 hours. The first thing I remembered from my sleep was having a dream that Taylor and I were together at home. She said something about having to get on a plane and the next thing I knew we were at an airport and I was walking into a plane with Taylor behind me. But just as I got on the plane started to take off down the runway, leaving Taylor behind.

I tried to yell for anyone who would listen to go back because we had left my mom. But we flew and we flew and we flew and when the plane landed my dream transformed into something totally different. I stepped off of the airplane in a camouflage uniform with a camouflage helmet on my head. I turned around and I was suddenly in the wilderness and not at an airport, there were a whole bunch of others dressed like me too, crouching behind a small hill.

I went to them and somebody told me to be quiet and get down. I turned at the sound of the voice and there was my dad, face to face with me. Dirt covering his cheeks and a gun out ready to fire over the incline. I heard gunshots, lots of gunshots, and even as my dad looked away from me I just kept looking at him. My eyes were glued to him and my feet were glued to the ground.

Before I knew it a bullet was whizzing through the air, and instead of hitting me it tore through his head. And still, I couldn't bring myself to look away, I watched as he fell to the ground and I tried to scream but nothing came out, I tried to get someone to help him but nobody would listen.

I could feel my heart beating fast and I quickly woke up in a panic. I was facing the back side of the couch and I could feel myself sweating. I was breathing loud and hard, and now and then a whimper that I couldn't control would escape my mouth.

I knew it was a dream but my mind wouldn't stop replaying it, I lifted my hand to touch my face and I realized that I was or had been crying, my face was soaked with tears. I rolled over to face the open side of the room. I needed Taylor, but she wasn't there.

All I could hear was my heart beating in my ears. I looked around and there were a few people in the room, none of which I recongnized. They were all looking at me and through my teary eyes I could see their blurry figures talking to each other and looking back at me with concern.

What was happening almost didn't feel real. I felt my chest expand and deflate everytime I took a fast breath, my heart was pounding, drowning out all other sounds, and tears were involuntarily running down my cheeks. But there I was staring at these strangers, feeling paralyzed in that position.

I heard the word 'Taylor' and suddenly my ears turned on, somebody was saying something about getting her. It took me a while to process that it wouldn't be possible to get her because he was in the middle of a concert, yet one of the people still took off out of the room.

I was struck with fear and nobody in the room was offering comfort, I numbly rolled back over to face the back of the couch again and I let myself cry/panic/tremble. It seemed like I was lying there for forever, I had almost lost hope that things would ever be okay after this, that this concert would ever end, and that Taylor would ever come back here for me.

Just as I was thinking this I heard the door swing open and seconds later I felt somebody sitting on the edge of the couch. I quickly turned around, praying I'd see Taylor's face, but I saw Andrea's.

"What happened?" She asked, helping to pull me up into a sitting position. I only answered in cries, I leaned into her and she hugged me, rubbing me back. It was one of those cries where your jaw ached, your nose burned, and your chest hurt.

"Where's Taylor?" Were the first words that left my mouth since I'd woke up.

"She'll be here in a while, the concerts almost over." Andrea told me.

I was 16 years old. I was 16 years old and here I was crying into Taylor's mom's shirt asking for Taylor. And the thought of that made me cry even harder. When would this end? When would I grow out of this? I can remember having nightmares when I was really little, I thought by the time I was a teenager it would be over.

I had calmed down a little by the time Andrea told me that the show was over and Taylor was on her way to the dressing room. The first thing I heard when she walked in was her voice.

"Where is she?" She asked somebody with her head turned to them, but when she turned her head back around she looked right at me.

"Hey, what's wrong?" She came up to me saying with her arms open for a hug. I hugged her tightly, knowing that everyone else in the room was seeing me like this. But soon everyone else in the room was gone, almost like they knew that I didn't want them to be there and it was just Taylor and I on the couch next to each other.

"Hmm?" Taylor said when I didn't answer her. I kept holding onto her, not wanting to let go.

"You got to sleep didn't you?" She asked and I nodded into her shirt.

"And then what? You had a bad dream?" She asked and I nodded again.

"And I woke up and there was nobody in here I knew and-" I started until my voice caught in my throat and I couldn't help but begin to cry again thinking about the dream and what happened when I woke up.

"It's alright, it's alright." Taylor said to try to make me feel better. She pulled my body off of hers and held my face in her hands so she could look me in the eyes.

"Hey, I'm right here, it's okay." She said before kissing my forehead. And I kept crying because I thought of the fact that I was 16 now and I was too old for things like this. Things like bawling so hard that you had to have somebody practically holding you.

"How long have you been awake?" She asked.

"I don't know, your mom came in here with me before you came." I told her, my voice shaking.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here." Taylor said and I kept my eyes on the floor. Her missing these types of things because of work was a little bit of a touchy subject. It happened once during release week for her new album, and the last time it happened was a couple weeks ago, she was at tour rehearsal and I was at home having an anxiety attack.

"I have to go okay?" She said, my heart sank because I knew that was coming.

"You can come too if you want." She said when she saw my disappointment. She was talking about the little party thing she did for fans after the concert. I didn't know that I wanted to go if I looked like I'd just been crying, I told Taylor that and she looked down at me and sighed.

"I'm sorry, I have to go now." She said. I got up with her, looked in the mirror and tried to make myself look presentable as possible, then followed her out of the room. I didn't want to be away from her for another whole hour.