My Dom or My Mate?

Chapter 6

--Rewards & Revelations--

When you're alone inside your head, and unable to pull yourself out of the funk, you end up going crazy!!

So far, I've been alone for a total of 2 weeks and 4 days.

I've pushed away Dean and Holden, not letting them near me. I'm not doing anything apart from going to work, acting like a zombie, just about handling my duties and jobs. When I go home, I stay in my room and huddle up in the duvet.

I'm just about managing a bunch of grapes or a satsuma a day. I've already lost 9lb!

As a wolf, I should be eating a lot more, and as I haven't been keeping up my usual diet, my wolf has gone into hibernation.

Like me, really.

I don't know why I've turned into this emotionless soul, I just can't get over how a human could get inside my flat without me--a shifter--knowing, and was able to freak me out and scare me like he did.

I've dealt with the threats and blackmails from other Doms, but this was one step too far. Making somebody come to my home for force me into changing my Dom. It's quite frightening.

What am I supposed to do?

Which way am I supposed to turn?

I feel so lost, and out of control.

I'm all alone.

"Someone, help me." I whisper, as I curl the duvet around me tighter. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore!"

Tears streak down my face, my heart in my mouth, my deserted stomach churning painfully.

"I'm so lost!" I whimper, and close my eyes, attempting to halt the tears, failing miserably.

I'm vulnerable, broken, and for the first time in 3 years, I miss my parents. I need their words of advice, their knowledge and wisdom.

Despite our distant relationship, they were always there when I needed them. I took them for granted and I regret not trying to build on our lacking family unit.

I can never go back and change things!

How can I move on without this undeniable guilt? How can I be happy again?

How can I chose between my mate and my Dom?

What do I want more?

Who do I want more?

Dean, an incredible, strong, supportive, charming and generous man who wants for me to be happy... and he loves me!

Or

Holden, my mate, the man made to be with me. The person who is supposed to accept me despite my many flaws. He is loving, caring, supportive, and oh so patient! He also understands me!

Why do I feel such a strong connection with both of them?

Somehow, I have the same incredible tingles and sparks when I'm with them both, they just call to a different part of my brain. Dean calls to my desire, my passion and my pleasure, whereas Holden calls to my heart, my wolf and my sense of longing.

How am I supposed to choose?

~*~

"Right! Get out of bed... now! You need to shower, eat and get out of this god forsaken flat!"

I jump up in my bed, startled awake by a loud, booming and commanding voice.

As my eyes adjust to the light, I see Dean stood there, his hands on his hips, looking at me with displeasure and impatience.