Sterling

Chapter Thirty-Five

Taehyung dangled his feet over the ledge of the roof, hands in his lap as he looked down at the small people who looked like ants. He came up here when things were too tough for him to handle, but that was when he was a freshman kid, always getting picked on for every reason known to man-kind, the kid who still couldn't stand up and protect himself.

He eventually stopped coming up here when he was a sophomore-which happened to be the beginning of this year. He stopped because he didn't think he getaway spot was helping him anymore. He stopped when he grew scared Bogum and the others would find out about his special spot. He stopped when he lost all willpower to do the things he loved once. He stopped when he just didn't feel like climbing stairs just to get away for ten minutes or so.

He just stopped.

He sat on the edge of the tall building, looking down on people and the road, not looking or paying attention to anything in particular. He just wanted to sit there and enjoy the nice weather they were having, despite there being heavy black clouds in the sky. He enjoyed it up there, and he forgot for a second why he even stopped coming up here. He did it to get away from everyone and everything, get away to enjoy the nature around him.

He really did enjoy it, and only his friends knew where his getaway spot was. He only allowed the ones he trusted to know the most personal and special things to him. Now he even wondered if his best friend was even his best friend anymore. He didn't necessarily blame Jimin and Jungkook for being so pissed off and hate him for not telling them what was happening, and he didn't want them to find out at all.

He wanted to keep it a secret until the day he died, but even that was a dream. He wanted that secret to be buried with him in his grave, but he never truly got what he really wanted. He wanted to die, he failed four times, he wanted the pain to go away, his parents would leave for two weeks at a time just to come back and start the beating process all over again. He wanted the rumors to stop, they only spread more. He wanted everything to stop.

But everything just continued and got worse.

He tried to be positive and believe everything would be okay and get better, but as time went on, and he seen no change-not even the smallest or simplest one-he soon gave up and lost all hope he would ever have a life where there was no abuse, no bullying, no rumors, and he heard everyone-including teachers and his parents-that it's considered a perfect world if you wanted those simple things.

He wasn't asking for a perfect world. Would it be nice to have a world where everyone was living in a utopia? He thought so, yes, but he didn't want to live in a utopia. He didn't want a perfect world, he just wanted to be one of those kids who weren't bullied, who weren't being abused in their own homes by their own parents or family members. He wanted to be one of those kids who didn't suffer from PTSD or anxiety attacks. He wanted to be one of those kids who didn't care about what other thought about him.

He wanted to be one of those kids who could stand up for themselves, defend their purpose and what's right and what they believed in. He would do anything to be those kinds of people, big or small, he wanted to have that amount of courage to stand up to Bogum and tell him to fuck off. He wanted to be those kinds of people who was able to gather enough courage and stand up for himself against his parents and the people who torment him at school.

He would do anything to be that strong.

But he wasn't.

His suicide attempts prove it all. His cutting proved it as well, and the way he would cling onto someone for protection was also an example of how much of a coward he was. He remembered how Jungkook had told him that not being able to stand up to someone doesn't mean they're weak-that Taehyung was weak. Jungkook truly believed that if you're capable of doing it, then it's meant to be something you're good at doing, but if it's something you're not capable of doing, just means it's not meant for you.