Rogue

20

Decker brings me up with him from the bed, making sure I am steady on my feet before grabbing my hand in his, "No we were just finishing up," Decker growls out as he leads me towards the door, my head hangs in embarrassment as we walk into the hallway and join the rest of the pack members heading outside the packhouse. We walk for a moment before we get to a meadow where they are showcasing the body. We usually had a small ceremony for wolves before using the body as fertilizer for a tree; so that we could become one with nature. 

I look around and see familiar faces, and I start to wonder who the unlucky wolf was. 

"I'll be back," I say to Decker, and without waiting for his response, I walk away. My ears twitch at the words floating around me. 

"I can't believe her parents are going through this again; they've already lost one child."

"She was so young."

"She would have been an amazing Luna," My eyes widen at that one, so this she-wolf was going to be Jacob's, new mate? Now I am even more confused. 

The wind blows past me, almost warning me to turn around as if it knew my future as if it knew what would happen next. Like it knew my world would crash all over again. 

Though I don't heed its warning, instead I walk to the casket, and my jaw drops with my stomach, I quickly cover my mouth as a scream escapes me as I fall to my knees. 

My stomach turns, and my mouth waters, and I seem to taste vomit, though nothing comes up. I hear a chorus of people as they all seem to look at me. 

"Who is that?'

"Dramatic much? I bet she didn't even know the luna, filthy rogue." 

"She looks familiar, who is that?"

"The lunas death was sad, but damn she is doing too much."

"Rose?" My blood freezes at the voice, the only person that ever called me by my middle name; I turn to see an older version of me. Numbness takes over me, and with shaky legs, I stand. 

"Oh my gosh, I'm  so glad you are back!" My mother states and I notice how her face is puffy, and her eyes are red as if she has been crying. She takes a step to me, her arms stretch out as if she is about to embrace me, but I shake my head, my jaw hangs, and I turn and look at her, laying peacefully still, almost like she is sleeping, but I know she doesn't sleep on her back, she sleeps spread out on her stomach. 

"What the hell happened?" I grit out, and other people's words of her being Luna hit me. "Mother, why were they calling her Luna?!" I shout, causing everyone to look at me. 

"Well, Jacob needed a Luna, and he missed you, and you weren't here so." My mother trails off, and I glare even harder, my grief quickly turns to anger.

"So you just gave her to him, mother," I stress my words as I take slow, predatory steps to her. "He is twenty-three; she was only sixteen!!" I yell as I point at my sister's corpse, "What about Piper's mate, huh? She had a mate, you know she was supposed to meet him and live happily ever after," I yell. My mother glares at me as she shakes her head and points in my direction. 

"Don't use that ton-"

You don't need to worry about my tone you need to worry about if I decide to kill you or not."I seeth as I take a threatening step towards her.

"Hey don't talk to her like-"

I snap my head to the random guy, and point to him, "I'll literally kill you, shut up."

His eyes widen as he takes a step back, and I look at my mother. "You were supposed to protect her, and now look, she is dead!" I yell, my voice breaks at the end.  

"well, you left!" My eyes widen at my mother's words.

"I was fucking banished!" I yell, and at this point, we are nose to nose.  I feel someone push against me and turn to see the beta, whose name I can not remember. 

"Not at the funeral." 

I shake my head at my mother as I turn and rush away. I feel a hand on my arm by the sparks I know it is Decker, and my anger gets the best of me, "Don't fucking touch me," I growl as I yank my arm away and rush away. 

****

I lean on the desk in his office as I stare intently at the door, my heels in my hand as I wait for him to walk through. I replay Piper and I's memories of the times we would study the stars ad its constellations. Guilt plays its strings as grief sings the chorus. I felt as though I had abandoned her. Yet I knew I could not bring her with me; being a rogue is like signing your death certificate. I let my tears speak to the goddess for me as they stream down my cheeks, I want to punch myself for crying three times already today. I don't know how to feel; my emotions are everywhere; I can't begin to explain the feeling. 

Yet this feeling feels familiar as if I have already gone through this. 

The door opens, and Jacob walks through, I take the heel and throw it at him, Jacob quickly ducks and the heel goes straight in the door, I throw the other one, and he ducks again. 

"What the hell Jacob!" I yell as I stand threateningly, I take a dagger out, causing Jacob's eyes to widen, he puts his hands up. 

"Hold on Sin, let's talk about it." Jacob tries to reason, but I shake my head at him. 

"Why didn't you tell me about Piper," I ask hoarsely, Jacob couldn't seem to stop hurting me. "And what sick bastard goes after their rejected mates little sister," I say as I look at him in utter disgust. I could kill him now; I wanted so bad to shove this dagger straight through his heart. 

"Sin, I needed a Luna, and you weren't here."

"And whose fault is that." I spit, causing Jacob to nod in agreement.

"You are right; it is mine. But Sin, I was young and stupid." Jacob explains. 

"Well, now you are stupid and a pedophile," I growl out as I take a threatening step to him. Jacob watches me calculating, and I quickly take the first step as I quickly rush to him with the dagger raised, He immediately grabs my arm and turns to where I am now in a chokehold. I cry out in frustration.

"Sin, you're being blinded by grief, just let go, just let it out and go through the grief." I struggle for a minute longer before crying out.

Let me go," I whisper weakly, and Jacob quickly lets me go. I look at him as I stand up, "I'll kill you one day," I promise, and Jacob's eyes widen, I then quickly walk out of the office, I rush to mine and Decker's room, I walk in to see him sitting on the bed, he looks at me with a sorrowful look, and I return it. 

"Decker, I'm sor-"

"No, come," Decker gently commands as he holds a hand out, my lip trembled as I put my hand in his, he pulls me into his embrace. He embraces me as we lay on the bed, the tingles and sparks dance over my skin soothly as I let grief drown me in the ocean, though Decker graciously acts as my life jacket.

I snuggle my face into Decker's neck and use my lungs for breathing in his scent. 

And yet again, in the middle of my chaos, there was Decker, keeping my head above water.

********

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