The Myriad Misadventures of a Midgardian Queen-In-Training || Loki x Reader

Chapter 58

You want nothing more than to say it back.

And if he'd come ten minutes ago—five, even, just before you'd had a chance to read those emails—you might have.

Instead, all you can come up with is: "You love me?"

He nods, doing his best not to shy away from your lukewarm response. "But I can't end the competition without your consent. I can't send the other women away unless..." He looks down at his hands quickly, as though gathering the courage to say what he says next. "Well, unless you feel the same."

You look down at the emails, displayed on the tablet you're currently clenching in white-knuckled fists. "I can't give you what you want without hurting them."

"What?"

You shove the tablet at him long enough for him to see that you're reading letters from your family, then toss it on the couch behind you. Erik and Mom and Dad and Carlie, watching with hope and fear and confusion—the more you think about them, the more the bile builds in your stomach. "I promised my family I'd come home, Loki—"

"Is that what you want?"

You let out a bitter laugh. "That doesn't matter. They would hate me."

"They could never hate you. You're their daughter—"

"I don't know if I can be their daughter if I'm your queen."

"Is that the issue? The monarchy?"

"The issue is that they think you're a psychopath!" you spit out, surprising yourself with the fury of the words. "The issue is it's a monarchy that was built after you invaded the planet with a giant alien army and killed God knows how many people. And you haven't addressed it during your rule! Ever!" I can't believe it's been so long since I've thought about all of this. " I know you banished the Chitauri, and I'm grateful for that, but I don't understand—" Your voice breaks under the weight of words held back for too many years.

"That wasn't me, (Y/N)."

You laugh through the tears, exasperated. "Just because you've changed since then doesn't excuse—"

"My mind wasn't my own. " He speaks the words forcefully, then immediately falls silent.

You try to parse out the meaning of what he just said. "What?"

He takes a breath, squeezing his eyes shut, as though reprimanding himself for saying something he shouldn't have. When at last he speaks again, it's with measured words and a tense voice. "There are many different types of magic in the universe, (Y/N). The illusions and healing spells you've seen me perform are only a small sample." He looks absolutely ruined as he continues, "Four years ago, when I arrived to Mi - to Earth, it was under the influence of a powerful dark magic."

You stare at him for a moment before understanding the ramifications of what he's trying to tell you. "You were...hypnotized?"

You know you should receive this with more skepticism than you currently feel. But you vaguely remember seeing news coverage of the battle, back when it occurred. The blue glow in his eyes. The unhinged smile. Contrasted with the Loki you see before you, who looks rather sane—if a bit emotionally wrecked—the idea of an outside influence suddenly shifts a lot of things into perspective.

"I wasn't shaken from it until after the war had already been won," he finishes quietly. "My entire life I had sought a throne, and here I had happened upon one, even if by accident. The fear left over from the takeover was the only thing keeping my position, and out of selfishness I decided to keep it to myself."