The Blue City

2019 PWA thank you, sorry, please

Since I've been so absent, I thought it would be wrong of me not to post something for PWA. As y'all know I'm not really one to update because the electrical engineering (technically there's a computer engineering in there too but they're the inferior half) department (and Drew and Nick) keep me very busy. I finally got a good, solid 8 hours worth of sleep for the first time in a month, probably, last night so there's that.

Anyways, I'm going to do this in a format that I'm a fan of otherwise my writing is going all over the place.

Thank you:

I want to thank everyone who has said such kind things about my works over this PWA. DI_Gremlin JunieWeathers EeveelutionBrandi JustBluePanda ImberLapis LittleTyrunt and others

The Leader was something very brand new to me for sure, but I'm also kind of surprised that I didn't head that direction sooner. I watch A LOT of the Hallmark channel. Like A LOT, A LOT. And honestly The Leader was an expression of how I wish my family life was. I don't actually have any siblings, and my parents are kind of judgmental and not always the most supportive so the idea of having someone (besides the Lord) from the background watching over me, taking care of me is a very fulfilling one. That's what the story was about for me.

Most of my stories are personal, really. I think the only one that wasn't personal was Linkage. And I feel like that was why it fell flat as a story. It was like a more mystified copy of The Flying Ranger, in my opinion. It was a copy, unoriginal, and un-Blue. And while it kind of destroyed my confidence (and my ability to write) for a while, Gremlin was right. It was a bad story. Or at least, it was not up to the standards that I strive for. So thanks for that, earnestly, since I got to churn out something a lot more valuable to the community and myself. I appreciate that you kept me honest with myself. And your approval of my story means the world to me. I talked to my irl people about it.

Regardless of how I feel though, I appreciate Pan, Junie, Arc, and Bri supporting my work nonetheless. I'm glad that y'all think it's cool. I also appreciate that y'all keep my self-confidence up enough to continue to write. Since writing is a very emotional thing for me, it's nice to have people to tell me "get up off the ground, you can do it". (Not gonna lie, thinking of my friend Drew last night when I was so exhausted that I was gonna sleep on the floor of the industrial engineering building and he made me go to bed). I know I should seek to console rather than be consoled, but I really, really like to have support. And y'all are so selfless to give that to me and I want to become that selfless one day but it's hard.

Also thanks to all of you for nominating me for best quote, and voting me best scene. I really appreciate it. I guess I'm also grateful to have been placed, so yeah. Thank you.

Sorry:

Sorry for skirting as a judge. The last month has literally been impossible. I haven't slept, I've had constant homework, constant tests, and I've had to tell myself to take a break. Like I feel bad if I'm not studying. Because that's a moment that I could be attempting to teach myself circuits, teach others circuits, or do something more valuable than just sit there and relax. Honestly, ECE is the reason I haven't been involved with fencing this semester, with much other than Greek life, really. Because Greek life forces me to socialize.

I know that's probably not much of a reason, but I feel like if y'all saw the stuff I did it would kill you inside. Honestly, it kind of kills me inside. And it really frustrates that the only ones who can support me are my peers. My family doesn't quite understand because the only one who is really a STEM guy is Robear and it's when I've studied 20 hours for a 73 on a test (I was overjoyed about it) that he's like sitting there and questioning me about it and how I study and I'm just like "the highest my peers have gotten on one of Reid's exams is an 80". People NOTORIOUSLY fail this guy's class. But of course, he wouldn't understand what it's like to watch that and deal with professors like I do. He only cares about results.

So I have not had the time to read anyone else's writing, right? Otherwise I would've judged. And I'm sorry about that. I want to finish My Name is Loto and The Isles of Gracidea. But I also write to try to keep my sanity at this point. Like when I'm writing that's me forcing myself to get the story out of my head because that's also something that eats at me. I will walk and I see scenes of Crystal and Red, or I'm thinking about Dr. Dong's circuits class. Speaking of which, I'm thinking that after finals I am going to take the opportunity to post my evaluation of him just in the hope that y'all understand.

I'm also sorry about what I'm going to ask y'all in the please section.

But I think I owe a personal apology to Iza for not judging and then another one to the community for being bitchy for a while. I just want y'all to know that I appreciate you and that I honestly am just trying my best to get through so I can give y'all something back for everything.

Please:

I appreciate you guys reading my works, so please continue to read them. It really, really helps me. It brightens my days and brings joy when I feel like everything around me is bring me down. And I know y'all have seen what I mean. Also please keep writing and competing. I may not be able to read your works now, but I want to at some point. I wish I was in a better position to, but maybe I will be someday.

And of course, I'm sorry I had to ask you of those things, but I'm sorry most of all to ask you this. Please be there for me. Like I said, I should seek to console rather than be consoled, and that I should see to love rather than be loved. But you guys, in surprising ways sometimes, bring goodness to my life.

Yeah, so there's my thank you, sorry, please. I hope that you enjoyed reading this and I'm sorry if it didn't go into enough. I happen to be short on time even as I'm typing this out.

Intense love,

Blue