The Blue City

7 days before

//when the title of your random book chapter is a nod to one of your other books

Anyways, this weekend is going to be a difficult one for me. 

I'm grounded, and you're probably thinking "boo hoo, Blue, I've been grounded before it's not a big deal blah blah blah", but there's circumstances that make this a terrible weekend to be grounded.

That's not the point of this entry though. I'm not going embellish what's bothering me about this because that's meh. Instead I kind of want to offer some words of encouragement both to myself and to you guys.

Yes, I know, this is coming out of nowhere, but I guess it really isn't.

For those of you who have known me for a long time, you know that I don't handle change well. Especially big change. When I moved back to America it tore me apart, because I was terrified about what was going to happen to me.

And I guess I'm about to come into one of those situations again.

In a week, I'm graduating high school.

Parts of me have been ready and excited for college, and other parts of me are terrified.

I'm going to be free to do some things that I only wished I could do, but in the opposite respect my whole life is going to be different. And that's scary.

But I know that I will survive. For most of my life I've lived in my own upstairs space, and I've found my own things to do on the weekends. I'm not reliant on my parents as much as many other people,  so it will be okay.

I guess what I mean to say is that everyone goes through this in their lives. This transition from being corralled into a place and having the freedom to choose is rough. It's almost daunting to think that now I have the ability to drive past my little circle of cities that I've been restricted to.

I could just...go. That's scary, don't you think?

But it's possible to do.

Let me give you all something to ponder. If I were given the resources, I could just fly to Europe.

And then I would just be able to walk around with no problem.

So why does it scare me to think that I'm going to go live away from my parents some place four hours up the road?

When I put it in that context, it seems like anything is possible.

Honestly, anything is possible, but my mind is what is restricting me.

I looked at a map the other day and saw a really cool nature park I wanted to go to with my best friend. But I sat there, and for a moment I was uncomfortable because I had never conceived of driving somewhere two hours away to just go and do something. So what did I consider doing? I considered pulling it off the list of things to do because it was two hours away.

But what if it's something cool? What if it's like this park that I ended up going to the other day that was one of the more interesting adventures I've had.

All that had been restricting me was my mind. Nobody had told me at that point that I want going to be able to go. It was my mind that told me.

Which is the lesson this time around.

We become to comfortable with our lives and are afraid to try something new. We're afraid that it won't work, that we have to leave that small little bubble where things are comfortable.

Try something new, and stick with it. Don't back out unless it's something dangerous to you.

I'm terrified of what's going to happen, but I'm only four hours down the road to my parents, even less to other relatives. It will be okay.

And for all of you, don't be afraid to push yourselves. In your writing and in your life, go for it. You will be alright.

You will be alright.

You will be fine.

And you can do it.

Hope that you learned something from this.

Tschüss
-Blue