Chasing Shadows (GIRLXGIRL)

CH.08 : Grass Ain't Greener

It's crazy how your ass can walk through every night
Acting like you been a player
That grass ain't greener on the other side
Oh, yeah
That grass ain't greener on the other side
Oh, yeah

_Chris Brown

Allison's POV

I haven't spoken to Taylor since the crazy party a few days ago, not like totally not speaking. I only speak with her when Josh is around. Why? Because I'm angry, I'm jealous and I'm confused. I was upset when I saw her going upstairs with the girl from the party and I know I have no right to be. I've been ignoring her and she's been ignoring me too.

I sat on Josh's lap as him and his friends sat around talking about Lord knows what. Taylor was also here, talking and having fun whilst I was battling with my mind because of her.  I was watching her, watching everything she does. I noticed how she listened with her eyes, how her smile seemed to have the ability to shed light to the darkest of hearts. I watched as she drank her beer, how the beer bottle top would land on her soft pink lips; suddenly I felt jealous of the bottle top. I realised that she was constantly catching me looking at her and somehow that seemed to make her feel uncomfortable. She would start fidgeting and playing with her beer, forgetting about the conversation she was having with Josh and his friends.

I watched her and got lost in her brown eyes. Taylor was very different from Josh, very. She payed more attention to people than Josh did, she listened and actually said sensible stuff whilst Josh acted like he was on crack; or maybe it was the alcohol that was making him crazy. Whatever it was, I didn't care. Right at this moment Taylor stole the spotlight, I missed talking with her, I missed her paying attention to me, so insane cause I haven't even known her for that long; she could be a heartless psycho and I could just be a victim to one of her games. After all she did say that I was a one night stand skank.

Is it a crime though, the fact that I always want her. Ever since I met her I feel this need for sex, I always miss her skin on mine. And to make matters worse I think I like her more than I thought I did, I feel drawn to her in a deep way but that's just despicable. I don't think she feels the same way or could ever feel the same way. Taylor is Chase the player. She loves women and she adores sex, I think she has never deemed it possible that a person could have one person or that she's truly aware there's something called a relationship, that happens between two people and involves love. Even if she did, would it matter? I mean, I'm already engaged to Josh. Yeah I know you're tired of hearing about the engagement but it is what it is.

"So Chase, how many women did you bang before you came back home?," one of Josh's friends asked, grabbing my attention. I looked at Chase, she didn't look at me; instead she just laughed.

"I only was there for two days," she said whilst still laughing.

"That's enough time for you to bang most girls in the town," everyone burst into a very heartfelt laughter except for me.

"There's nothing so amazing about that," I thought out loud and only realised when everyone had their eyes on me.

"About what?," Taylor questioned, sipping her beer before looking at me. Her gaze was so intimidating, I almost said nothing but because there was still a percentage of my anger that hadn't dissolved, I decided to speak my mind.

"About you going around fuckin anything that wears a skirt, I don't think it's something to applause. You could -"

Josh cut me off, "I think that's enough Allison."

"I slept with one woman," Taylor said ignoring the tension that had built inside the room in less than a second, "...a straight woman"

I shot daggers at her with my eyes.

"I thought you didn't do straight women," another guy said.

Taylor smirked, "It's never too late to try a straight sex deprived one when she's begging you to fuck her."

I swear if I could I would have jumped from Josh's lap and strangled Taylor. My blood boiled, how dare she say that.

"Anyways she was just a free meal cause I hit it twice and she still wanted more. And to make it even more exciting guess what guys," the way her voice sounded cheery drained off every single atom of like or feelings that I was developing for her.

"What?," this time it was Josh that asked. Taylor looked at me for a split second and I don't know how but her eyes caused me to give in and just plead with mine for her to shut the hell up.

She looked at the guys then sighed dejectedly, "I feel bad for everything that I said about her cause I think I'm starting to like her."

The boys all looked at Taylor like she was crazy, I couldn't help but be surprised too. Maybe it was the alcohol that was controlling her, she doesn't know what she's saying and she'd forget soon.

"Chase did you hear yourself," some guy asked.

"Yeah I did Ray. I know it's not sounding pretty much well coming from me, adding to the fact that I met her a few days ago but I really like her and I might consider stopping all of this shit," she looked at me and continued, "Ally is right, I shouldn't be treating women the way I do. It's not right and I should grow up."

We all looked at her with very confused and surprised faces.

"What?," she breathed out, chuckling a bit.

"Nothing," we all replied in unison.

After that everything went back to how it was before. They continued talking and I continued staring at Taylor only this time my mind was screaming something different. Does she mean that she's developing feelings for me? Should I ask her when we're alone? If that's the case then what is it that would happen. I've only known Taylor for a few days and she's already taken half the portion of my heart and she's the only one occupying my mind most of the time. I didn't think she would feel the same, but maybe the grass still ain't greener on the other side. Maybe she's just drunk and doesn't know what she's talking about. Taylor is a player and I'm pretty sure she wants me for the sexual benefits. Uggh I'm even flushing away the hurt and anger that I felt when she first started speaking. Taylor's got a hold on me and I'm falling for her. I'm falling and I don't know what to do about it. It's so hard living without knowing what's on the other side of the door, I wish I could know how sober Taylor feels about me, but I can't talk to her about it, can I? No, I'm not even supposed to fall; we made the rules a few days ago, it's too early to start breaking them now. Though I had already broke them before there were even made. I like Taylor, so much it hurts. I like her and I'm so fuckin confused.