How Are You True?

Chapter 4: Fuck The Pain Away

The first few things that usually pops into people's heads when they hear that someone has a sex addiction: perverted, creep, psychotic, Godless, it doesn't exist, why complain about having so much sex, suffering from craving sex so much isn't a thing. Truth is, nothing about sexual addiction is positive. You don't have fun for long. It's not really just about sex, same as drug addiction isn't really about the drug, or an eating disorder isn't really just about food; there's always more to it. There's always an underlying issue(s). Just like any addiction, it's a tough habit to kick and a lot of pain and compulsion comes along with it. You should not treat sex addiction like a lesser or trivial addiction—or rather ANY addiction like it isn't so bad just because it doesn't seem like it'd be.

Lauren did the whole neurofeedback thing to lessen the severity of her symptoms that come with her bipolar II disorder. She hardly ever struggled anymore with it. The one symptom that still lingered above the rest was her hypersexuality, but in a mild form. As soon as her dad died, it escalated into severe when she used it to escape and cope. Using it as an escape from her father's death had another reason accompanying it and that was stress levels from work. Reasons just kept on piling up, and Lauren breaking away to surround herself with sex always "helped".

She would carry it into her office at work and tell her secretary to not disturb/let anyone disturb her for at least twenty minutes. During that time, Lauren would turn on the incognito tab and surf internet porn. She'd have a list locked in her drawer with all the names of the videos or pornstars that usually got her off and produced that feeling of euphoria rather quickly. Anytime she'd be reminded of Mike or have a flashback of his dying days, Lauren would turn to sex almost straight away. The CEO seldom got through any work day without taking breaks to masturbate or without thinking about having sex, watching it, or craving it. A great portion of her day was spent in meetings; she'd have to be invested in those meetings in order for it to run smoothly and for her to know the kinds of people she was dealing with. But anytime she'd talk or listen to fellow businessmen/women talk, her mind would drift back to sex and bombard her with questions based around when was she going to get her next high, or when would the next party and getaway happen.

A sex addict never usually sees their sexual addiction for what it is. One would hardly approach the issue realistically. Sex is great, definitely. Having it can be wonderful, and the endorphins released can treat and clear the mind—it can act as a natural pain reliever. Now, sex isn't necessarily the problem. It's WHY you're having all that sex that's the problem and the question you need to ask yourself. Did she? No. The thought never crossed her mind. When you're provided relief from all the stress and trauma, you don't question if it's healthy or not. You don't question why you're always seeking it or why you don't want to heal your trauma in a different way, you just go with it. It's easier to be pleasured all the time than to go through pain and face it head on.

*FLASHBACK*

May 1st, 2028

"So your dad has Cata and you're home alone, resting?" asked Lauren with an excited grin, spinning in her swivel chair while she held her phone to her ear.

"That's right. I just finished napping and I'm about to get a workout in. Why?" Camila responded, oblivious to Lauren's intent.

Lauren unzipped her pants and pulled it down to sit around her ankles. Next came her panties after she placed a few napkins on her chair for her to sit on. Her secretary wouldn't come in and her office phone wouldn't ring. Lauren was free to get off right now, with or without Camila's help. She got comfortable behind her desk and put a sticker over the camera on her computer out of paranoia, then she returned to the phone and travelled her hand to her lower regions.