The Rent Boy (EDITING)

Chapter Fourteen: Confusion and Honesty-

    I woke early, finding Alex sitting on the small ledge of the living room widow, looking out. The room was still dark, the outline of his figure illuminated in an orange glow from the street light that shone through the glass. I could feel the cold air biting at the tip of my nose, turning it to ice. It was what kept me tucked up in my sleeping bag, rather than walking over to Alex.

    Scanning my eyes around the room, I found only Mitch had come home for some sleep. The other's must have still been out on the job. So, careful not to make much noise, I forced myself out of the warmth surrounding me and exposed myself to the chill of the room. I was still wearing the jeans and t-shirt I'd changed into earlier. It was too cold to sleep only in boxers tonight.

    I wrapped my arms around my torso in an attempt to warm myself, but it didn't make much of a difference. “Alex?” I whispered as I neared him. His body jumped in alarm at the softness of my voice, eyes jolting to meet in line with my own. “What are you doing?” I leaned against the wall, right next to the window. I could see his face more clearly now. I noticed his eyes were beading with tears, lower lip trembling.

    I asked, “What's up?” but he only shook his head, turning back to the window with his forehead resting against the pane. He'd found a jacket to put on over the t-shirt I'd given him earlier, but was still wearing the jeans he'd refused to take off.

    “Can't sleep,” he croaked, followed by a bob of his Adam's apple and the closing of his eyes. “I'm so tired, but every time I–” his voice cut off, face scrunching up like he was remembering something he didn't want to be remembering. “I just think about what happened, and it makes me feel so sick,” I couldn't say anything in return, though I was frantically searching for words that would comfort. My mind felt empty.

    “You still haven't told me what exactly happened,” I reminded quietly, not wanting to hear it but I couldn't be selfish. He needed to talk to someone about it and I had to be that someone. I had always been that someone.

    “There isn't much to tell,” he murmured, his hot breath colliding with the glass and spreading across the frosted pane. I was about to respond, but he beat me to the first word, “I'm not really in the mood to talk anyway,” he said, jumping down from the ledge and dropping himself into his sleeping bag. He tugged it over his shoulders, turning his back towards me.

    I was left standing there on my own, too awake now to sleep, so I perched myself on the window ledge just as Alex had been, and stayed there until the sun came up.

    When I next checked my phone, I found it was just leaving 6:30 a.m. I felt so disorientated this morning. I couldn't think straight, unable to remember my usual routine for every day. It had been completely thrown out the window.

    I felt lost. It was only when the cold wind hit me, that I realised I'd walked outside. There was a knot in my stomach, telling me to stay with Alex, to make sure he was okay and that he didn't disappear again. There was a stronger urge telling me to just walk, wherever my feet would take me.

    I kept eyes on the pavement, watching my feet swallow the distance from the apartment to my destination. I acted as if I didn't know where I was going, but in the back of my mind I did. I knew exactly where I was headed. I just didn't stop myself, even though I know I should have. I couldn't find the strength to. The whole world seemed so overwhelming, and that was the only time I felt like I could breathe; when I was there.

    Even still, the fact that I turned up on Logan's doorstep just as he was leaving for school at 7:45 a.m came to a huge shock. Not just for him, but for me as well. I'd known subconsciously where I was going, yet seeing him standing in front of me––my hands shoved into my pockets, eyes wide and mouth agape––I just wanted to leg it.