Nice weather we're having, huh? Here in the kingdom of Malaria, everyday's forecast is rainy with a 100% chance of horror.
It wasn't always like this, though. Years ago, Malaria was a sunny land of farmers. Until the mysterious storm clouds rolled in and never left. They killed our crops, and our people became poor. And that's when King Malbert thought up a new way for us to make money, Evil Inventions.
The kind that crush you, kill you, bring you back to life, then kill you again, way worse. We invent them, and the world pays us not to unleash them. Oh, It's a great gig, especially if you're an Evil Scientist. Fame, fortune, a rent-free castle in the hills. They get it all. They're the top of the heap.
"Igor! Pull the switch!" Said Dr. Holzwurm. "Yes, Master!" slurred Holzwurm Igor.
IGOR:
And the bottom of the heap? Those are the poor slobs like me, born with a hunch on our back, Igors. Actually, that Igor's not me.
"Igor! Pull the switch!" Yelled Dr. Herzschlag. "Yes, master" slurred his Igor.
IGOR:
No, no, no, that's not me, either.
A person with a hunchback was then walking through the cemetery pushing a wheelbarrow.
IGOR:
That's me. See? I look nothing like those other guys, much better-looking. Anyway, all Igors are forced to serve Evil Scientists. Our life is a permanent graveyard shift.
But I never wanted to be an Igor. I always wanted to be an Evil Scientist. Unfortunately, the hunch on my back was a one-way ticket to Igor School. I majored in Talking With a Slur and graduated with a Yes Masters Degree. Then, it was off to find a job.
"Hi, I'm here about the "Igor Wanted" and. My name's Igor. Well, of course it is. I've got a hunch on my back. What's my name gonna be? Kevin?" Igor said to the interviewer and laughed at the end.
IGOR:
They didn't appreciate my creative style. But eventually, I landed a job for Dr. Glickenstein.
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"Pull the switch!" yelled Dr. Glickenstein
IGOR:
Not the smartest scientist. His last invention was an Evil Lasagna. It didn't kill anyone. And it actually tasted pretty good.
"Igor!" yelled Dr. Glickenstein
IGOR:
Igors aren't allowed to invent, but I still manage to work on my own inventions in secret. And this new one is gonna be the one that proves that I'm the biggest Evil Genius of them all, and not just another...
"Igor!" shouted Glickenstein really loud.
IGOR:
Once they see what I can do, I'll have a whole new life, and I'll never have to answer to another master again.
