October to October

{Chapter Twenty-Four}

      The Valentine's Day dance was boring. Lauren should have known better as she went last year without a date, and she spent most of the evening sitting by Monroe as she complained about not having a boyfriend. This year was no different. Lauren kept telling Monroe that not having a boyfriend wasn't the end of the world, but Monroe said that Lauren didn't know what it was like. No boys ever looked at her, she said.

  "I think it's because I look so young."

  "You are young."

  "I'm eighteen. I look fourteen though."

  "Maybe you should change up your style?"

  "What? Are my clothes awful? Is that it?"

 "No!" Lauren laughed. "Your clothes are fine, but maybe you should try a more sophisticated style. I don't know honestly. I think you look fine the way you are, and I know that guys like you."

  "I don't," Monroe said, and she sighed as she looked around. "Maybe I'll get a new wardrobe for next year. I can't wait until I start college, and I get away from the guys in my class. They're all idiots. Some of them ask me out, but no one I'd actually consider. All the guys at church already have girlfriends too. Sometimes I meet guys at other churches, but they usually live an hour away so what's the point? I want someone here."

  "You will," Lauren said easily; she wasn't really listening as she checked her watch. She wondered what Joan was doing right now.

  "You aren't listening to me."

  "I am," Lauren lied.

  "Are you thinking about Jake?"

  "It does suck not having him here for Valentine's Day," Lauren said.

  "I'm sorry for making tonight all about me," Monroe said suddenly. "You must really miss him, but at least you have a boyfriend out there who is nice enough to give you flowers, and to make sure he makes it a nice day for you even when he's thousands of miles away. He's so great."

  Lauren always thought Monroe had a little crush on Jake, and she had to smile to herself as Monroe continued with her anti-Valentine's Day rant. She wondered if Jake would date Monroe if Lauren ever broke up with him. They were already good friends so it made sense, or maybe Monroe would think it was disloyal. 

  The thought of them together made Lauren feel weird, but she was surprised that it didn't hurt as much as she thought it would. Maybe they would be happy together? She was just the kind of girl Jake should be with, and the realization made her feel weepy. Why was Lauren wasting his time, and making out with Joan behind his back?

  "I have to end this," Lauren said to herself.

  She was now sitting in her car and looked at pictures of Jake on her phone. Sometimes she couldn't believe a guy that good looking was interested in her. Plus he was incredibly kind and funny too. He was one of the nicest people she'd ever met, but she still felt nothing. 

  He sent her pictures of him in Brazil with his shirt off, and she felt no thrill despite how great his body looked. She realized now she'd never felt that way about him. All the girls thought he was hot, and they were always telling Lauren how lucky she was. 

  She really was lucky. She had made a promise to him too, and they were boyfriend and girlfriend even though Lauren was attracted to someone else. She shouldn't be sending someone else a Valentine's Day card, and letting them pull off her underwear. She clicked through the photos a few more seconds; feeling guiltier by the second.