October to October

{Chapter Eighteen}

   "Lauren, are you sure?" 

Jake was breathing heavily as Lauren sat on top of him in the back of his SUV. They were parked two blocks away from his house in front of a vacant building that used to be the pharmacy. It was dark except for the occasional flicker of the broken street light. They had their first kiss there several months ago. They still liked to park and talk. Actually Lauren had started to notice that Jake did most of the talking as she didn't share any of his favorite bands, and he hated watching all of her favorite TV shows.

  "I'm sure," Lauren said after a split second of hesitation, and she watched as Jake unzipped his jeans.

  When she got home; she went upstairs to wash her face. She stared at her face in the bathroom mirror, and her skin looked paler than it usually did. Her eyes were wild. She looked scared she realized as the cold water ran. She sighed heavily and splashed the icy water over her face before getting out her toothbrush. She couldn't stop thinking about him being in her mouth. She hadn't even known what she was doing except for the few porn videos she glanced at in moments of curiosity. 

  "I think I'm sexually stunted," Lauren said to Wren as they got ready for the winter formal in Wren's large bedroom. 

  Jake was picking the two of them up since Henry would be an hour late from his new busboy job. Wren was hoping this one would stick. He'd lasted a week already which made her hopeful. He wanted to pay Joan back for all she had done for him although Joan said that he didn't owe her anything, but Wren said he was adamant.

  "Why?" Wren asked as she curled her hair.

  Lauren felt embarrassed as she hadn't even meant to say anything, but she felt so comfortable in Wren's bright pink bedroom filled with stuffed animals and memories that it slipped out before she could stop herself.

  "... Jake and I have been fooling around a lot lately," Lauren said with hesitation.

  "And?"

  "It's... okay," Lauren said after a moment.

 "What have you guys done?" Wren asked; her eyes shining bright in anticipation of gossip.

  "Not as much as you and Henry."

  "So was it just hands or oral?"

 "Yeah," Lauren said awkwardly. "Well, both. I did it to him, I mean."

"He doesn't reciprocate?"

  "Well, no," Lauren said.

  "You say it so obviously. Guys can do that, you know?"

  "I know that!" Lauren said and felt insulted. "I'm not an idiot."

  "Okay. So it was bad for you?"

  "No," Lauren said and paused. "It wasn't bad. I felt excited actually, but it still..."

  "It wasn't anything amazing."

  "Yeah."

  "Well, that isn't surprising. The excitement is for him in that one. Maybe you guys should try some more stuff. Some things for you, you know..."

  "Yeah, maybe. I think I'd just feel uncomfortable. I feel so confused about it."

  "Or as we've said you're not attracted to Jake. Maybe you should mess around a bit with other people."

  Lauren smirked. "Yeah, I'll find a few guys and test them out."

  Wren grinned at her in the mirror as she went back to curling her hair. "I think you're done with Jake, honestly. You guys are okay friends, but you've never been attracted to him, and you're always complaining about how anything sexual with him is awkward. Plus you've said talking to him is boring. I think you should branch out. He's leaving in two weeks anyway."