Consequences Unforeseen

The Crimea - June 1991

 

 

Foros – the Crimea, June 1991

 

The first bomb burst dead center on his chest sending him immediately into shock. This state of being announced itself with his piercing and blood curdling scream.

No respite for him though as the second and third bombs exploded mercilessly and simultaneously on his head and groin eliciting even further and if possible louder yells of shock, pain and hate.

His recovery was swift however and he sprang to his feet in a crouch, still trying to clear his eyes from the freezing water pouring over his brow from the remainder of the water bomb and rubber balloon that had burst on his head.

Bill Douglas held back a chuckle and as his eyes began to see clearly he was confronted by the laughing and howling presence of three naked kids ranging in age he guessed, from 14 to 17 – two girls and an obviously older boy who was jeering and laughing and dancing with joy at the site of this “tourist” they had caught asleep on the wonderful clothes optional Foros beach.

The girls were now wiggling their backsides suggestively at him and the boy shouted.  “get your swimming trunks off you big coward……….. or is it that you have a very small prick?” and he laughed and slapped one of the girls on her rump.

For their part the girls joined in the laughter and now several other parents and older folks had begun to smile and laugh as well. The beaches of this region were all naturist, but the Presbyterian in him left him ‘exposed’ as a tourist by his all be it brief ‘speedos’.

Further up the beach the Russian president nudged his wife Raisa and chuckling said “these kids nowadays eh! Teasing and disturbing a quiet man’s rest in the sun.”

She just smiled and nodded her head and said “go down and join him then you old fart, and help him throw the damned kids in the water. It’ll serve them right.”

“Not a snowball’s chance in Hell,” she thought to herself, but to her surprise the big man pushed himself off the lounger and trotted down the beach towards the stricken tourist and the tormenting trio of kids.

The effect of his arrival was instantaneous and dramatic to a certain degree.

The kids froze on the spot and stared open mouthed and speechless at the suntanned but unmistakable strawberry marked visage of Michael Gorbachev.

Known for his good sense of humor and fondness for kids, Gorbachev took advantage of the rigor he had created and he grabbed the girls round their waists.

He shouted at Bill Douglas as he did so. “Go on you idiot. Grab the little bastard by his hair and throw him in the water.” This said he marched off towards the sea with the girls yelling and kicking as he unceremoniously dumped them into the relatively freezing water of the Black Sea.

Douglas though not quite routed to the spot, was nonetheless surprised by this man’s apparent ease in the company of strangers, and he was slow to react to his benefactor’s suggestion. Slow to such an extent that the boy took a swift dive forward and yanked his swimming trunks to his ankles before he could react!

Stark naked now, his auto response took over and he chased the kid like a madman, eventually sweeping his legs from under him, grabbing him by the scruff of his too long hair and dumping him with a kick to the backside in amongst his sisters and the laughing Russian President who was showing no signs of wanting to get out of the water.

The older of the girls pointed at his groin and shouted out way to loudly, “Hey Peter, his prick’s not so tiny after all.” By this time almost the entire beach crowd burst into bellows of laughter.

Bill Douglas had no choice but to swallow his pride and stride, with as much dignity that being naked in a crowd of onlookers allowed, back to his lounger and the relative safety of the beach umbrella.

Gorbachev played and splashed around with the kids for a few more minutes before he left the water and came up to the reclining but watchful Bill Douglas.

Extending his right hand as he approached, he shook hands with Bill and said “will you care to come up and join my wife and I over a beer? You look like you could use one!”

“Of course I will,” said Bill, but the words choked as he stifled a laugh. This was the first time he’d taken in that Michael Gorbachev was naked as well!

“What the fuck!” he thought to himself. “This shit is about as far from operating procedure as it is possible to get.” The voice in his head though and in the dulcet tones of his old Uncle John said “Whit’s fur ye will no go bye ye and ther’ll be a reason for this nae doubt.”