Exclusively His

1. Worlds apart

There are many things in this world that we couldn't explain - even to ourselves. Questions - no matter how irrelevant they are remains unanswered. We might waste our time thinking about these questions but we can't really find the answers for it. Some remains a mystery, tulad nang kung bakit tayo nandito. Bakit tayo humihinga? Kailan hihinto ang puso natin sa pagtibok? Para kanino ka bumabangon? At bakit hanggang ngayon, mahal mo ang taong nanakit sa'yo?

I was just looking at the presentation made by one of my people. Nakapangalumbaba ako habang nanonood and somehow that last line triggered a memory. Ipinilig ko ang aking ulo at saka pinahinto ang presentation. My secretary turned the lights on and I looked around the conference room.

"Sir?" Megara - my advertising executive looked at me. She knew that I didn't like what I saw kaya hindi rin maipinta ang mukha niya.

"What is that crap? How do you expect us to compete with the other advertising company with that shit that you have just shown me? Baka nakakalimutan mo? You're inside the Consunji Empire and mistakes are not allowed! Ulitin mo iyan!" Napatiim ang bagang na wika ko. Tumayo ako at lumabas ng conference room. The last question kept playing inside my head like my life depended on it.

Bakit hanggang ngayon mahal mo ang taong nanakit sa'yo?

Kung tutuusin napakasimple ng tanong pero napakahirap naman ng sagot. Hindi ko alam kung anong sagot doon at bakit may mga taong tulad ko ay nagmamahal pa rin ng taong nanakit. I[ve been hurt before, I've waited. I've been a total fool. Iniisip ko nga kung bakit sa akin nangyari ang mga bagay na iyon - I did nothing but to love her with all my heart and yet she disgraced me by marrying an older man - it's not a pretty memory. Hindi na yata naganap na hindi ko siya naalala na wala akong sakit na nararamdaman sa puso. Galit ako pero hindi ko itatangging mahal ko siya.

I was walking on the corridors of the Consunji building - hands are on my pocket - I was thinking very deep. I thought that I wanted to smoke and so I did. I went to the smoking area and puffed my cigarette. I was still thinking about the big boned woman I loved with all my heart. Kung may makakakita sa isip ko ngayon - they'll know how vulnerable I am and I'd be the laughing stock inside the family. Wala pa yatang Consunji na dinamdam ng husto ang pagkawasak ng puso.

The Consunji men are heart breakers. No one had ever had their hearts broken. Ako pa lang yata. Sabagay, sabi nga ng bunso kong kapatid na si Yllak, there's always a first time in everything. I just sighed. Napatingin ako sa pack ng Marlboro lights ko. Napangisi pa ako nang makita kong wala na palang laman iyon. Muli akong tumayo at pumasok sa loob. Walang araw na iniisip ko kung kalian kami magkikita ulit ng babaeng iyon. Handa naman ako, papahirapan ko siya. Gusto kong makita niya at maramdaman niya first hand kung anong naramdaman ko noong iniwan niya ako. Who would do such thing? She managed to change my life but didn't have the decency to stay with me? Fuck her right?

"Good afternoon, Sir."

Tinanguan ko na lang lahat ng nakaksalubong ko. I was grinning as I look at their gray and black or white office uniforms. Lahat sa opisina ko ay ganoon lang ang kulay. I like monochromatic things so much - iyon na yata kasi ang kulay ng buhay ko mula nang mawala siya sa akin. I shook my head. Kailangan ko lang naman siyang makita. Kailangan ko lang makaganti para maging malaya na ako.

After all, I am Yvo Jorge Consunji - I break hearts, I fuck and I get even.

--------------

Chicago, US.

He used to call me "Akin" Siya lang yata iyong taong naniniwala na maganda ako despite my physical appearance and no, he's not my dad. He was the first man who ever loved me and the last man I'll ever love. He loved me for being me, he loved me so much I could still feel it in every bone in my body, kaya lang...