Breathe

seven

I repeated Conan's words in my head, over and over again as I finished my cigarette.

I couldn't stop trying until I wasn't completely sure there was nothing left to be fixed.

So, even though my heart was racing inside my chest, I tossed the cigarette into the small plastic bag and hid it under a few shirts before heading out.

It only took me a few minutes to reach the supermarket, and even though a small part inside me told me to just turn back around and hide out in my room, I walked quickly.

Michael had given me a short list of things I could buy when I had asked him about it last night. He hadn't really been surprised, only glad that I wanted to help and take care of that task.

I found Asher in front of the shelf for baby food, stacking small glasses of pudding on it. He hadn't looked up at me yet, seemingly lost in thought.

Clearing my throat, I took another step forward. "Morning."

Asher looked up at me, his expression hardening once he recognized me. "I'm working."

"And I'm buying food," I replied, gathering all the confidence I could muster to keep talking. "What a coincidence that those two events bring us together."

Rolling his eyes, he simply reached back into the cardboard box he was holding, going on with his task. I watched him for a second, contemplating my next move. Part of me still felt like running away, deciding that this had been enough conversation for the day, but another part told me to stay.

There was still hope left, after all. I just had to do what Conan had advised me to.

"The weather's nice today," I said, already regretting the words right after they left my mouth. Seriously, Kiri? The weather?

"I've noticed," Asher simply replied, not glancing in my direction. Suppressing a sigh, I thought of something else to talk about.

"That pudding is really good."

He just shrugged. "It's for babies."

"Yuh, but it's good."

Asher finally turned back to me, a look of exasperation crossing his face. "Listen. I don't wanna make small talk with you. I don't even wanna see you. So just stop and get the stuff you came here for."

Biting my lip, I held the eye contact. "What if I came here for you?"

He hesitated for a second, slightly narrowing his eyes when his cold expression seemed to slip a little. Then, it was back on his face, and he looked as unimpressed and bored as always.

"There's discount on dairy products. You can find them over there."

I rolled my eyes as an annoyed sigh escaped my throat. "I'm not gonna stop now just because you act like an ass. No!" I held up my hands as he turned to glare at me, already knowing what he was about to say. "Yes, I've acted like an ass myself, even a bigger one. But do you really don't even want to look at me?"

He briefly closed his eyes, his frown disappearing. When he looked at me again, he was nothing more but a tired seventeen year old.

"The worst thing about this is that I do, so don't make it hurt even more," he said quietly.

The confidence I had gathered for this moment shattered, and my hands started trembling again, aching for another cigarette to make them stop.

"Okay," I said, nodding as if to convince myself as well. "We still need food though, so I'll be back."