50 People I'd Rather Be With Than You

31.

31. Andy. I still can’t believe your sister actually married that guy. Of all the people on the planet, why did she end up with Andy? He is such an uneducated dick. Your parents liked him more than me, though, because he wasn’t “different,” as your mother put it. He was a straight white male, and that was probably his only redeeming quality to them, but they didn’t care. The first time I met Andy, he was drunk (when is he ever not drunk?). I thought that he was only bad because of the alcohol. As I’ve learned, Andy on alcohol is so much better than sober Andy, which sounds crazy, but you know it’s true. At least when he’s drunk he has an excuse for being an ass, whereas when sober he can only blame himself. Thankfully, Andy’s barely ever sober. I think that your parents would still pick Andy over me, even if they realized that he was an alcoholic. He kind of sucks, doesn’t he? It’s a shame he’s your brother-in-law for at least the next ten years (I feel like your family only turns to divorce as a last resort, right?).