50 People I'd Rather Be With Than You

29.

29. Your dog. Even your dog hated me. Every single time I came over your house, that thing would pounce on me and try to bite me, as if it sensed that I wasn’t big on animals. For twelve pounds, its bark was definitely up to par with its bite. No offense (who am I kidding? I honestly don’t care if you take offense to this or not), but your dog is such a bitch. And not just because that’s the proper term for her, but also because just like everyone else connected to you, she doesn’t like me. I mean, I tried. I think that I probably tried the hardest with your dog, as sad as that is. Yet after all the gourmet dog food and treats and clothes (what type of dog wears clothes—seriously?) that I bought her, she still eyed me like a piece of bacon she was ready to devour in a single bite. Your dog really hated me. I really hated your dog. It was good that we had a mutual understanding of sorts.