Fighting With Him

Chapter 7

I had woken in the night again but this time it had taken me a lot longer to calm down, my breathing and heart rate were erratic, I was soaked in sweat, tangled in my duvet and had even cried out, I’d woken mid-scream. This time however I knew exactly where I was and could find my pill bottle without even turning a lamp on.

I had refused to go to Liam.

I had wanted to and I had battled it out in my head as my body had relaxed again but I knew that it wasn’t an option. We hadn’t left things in a good way and I didn’t know if I would be welcome or not and that really hurt.

The worse thing was that that was the only thing I wanted, I wanted to curl up next to him, to be wrapped up in his scent, to feel the heat of his body next to mine and to listen to his calm, even breathing as he slept. I needed these things but they were forbidden to me.

I had eventually gone back to sleep but it was far from peaceful and had woken this morning feeling groggy and grumpy. I had set my alarm for seven and I really regret that this morning but even so I pull myself out of my warm cocoon and listen at the bathroom door for movement on the other side. It’s quiet so I stick my head around the door, the lights turn on, and I slip through the door into the thankfully empty room. Slowly I strip down, dropping my pyjama clothes on the floor and unbuckling the bracelet that Liam had given me. As petty as this is I am going to leave this next to the sink, in the hope that maybe he’ll see an underlying layer of anger in the gesture. Then again, he’s a guy so he’ll probably just think I forgot it.

The power shower helps to wake me up as it massages my muscles and the warmth seeps in all the way to my bones. The only problem is that once I am in I don’t want to get out again; I even manage to clumsily wash my hair (twice) but then fail miserably to wrap it up in a towel. By the time I leave the bathroom I am relatively cheerful, that is until I have to get dressed one handed, my initial instinct was to go with comfy clothes, but I am meeting the girls for lunch later and I have to make some sort of effort. In the end I go for dark jeans and a white strapless top with blue, green and pink flowers crawling up each side.  

I creep out of my room but there is no one around, Liam’s bedroom door is thrown wide open but he isn’t in there. My fear about bumping into Liam this morning was unnecessary. I don’t understand how he had jumped to that conclusion last night, it had shocked me so much that I hadn’t even managed to concoct a reply before he was gone with a bang. I know I have never said the words out loud but doesn’t he know me at all? Can’t he tell how important he is too me?  The next time I see him I will tell him, I resolve shutting the door to the apartment behind me. Obviously he needs to hear it. My surge in confidence turns my walk into a sort of strut and I feel good.

Abi, true to her word, is waiting on the driveway when I walk out of the front door. She smiles widely at me and I give her a small one back as she opens up the big cars door and I heave myself in. She slides in the front passenger seat and nods at the guy behind the wheel. As the engine roars up she turns to me. “How are you today?”

“Bad night so a little grumpy. How are you?”

“We’re all good.” She says indicating herself and the driver. “First proper day of work.” This makes me laugh. “This is Adam by the way. You did meet the other day but I doubt you can tell from the back of his head.” Our eyes meet in the rear view mirror and I nod at him.

“Hi Adam, nice to meet you. I’m Scar.”

“Morning Scar.”

“Sorry about the early morning guys.” I say stretching my legs out in the foot well in front of me. “I’m sure my parents will have some food or something for us all.”