“Emmie, what is this? Why are you carrying this around?” I don’t know what Ben is talking about so I turn around. My breath catches as I see my razor blade in his hand. Fuck. I didn’t want him to know about this. At least not this soon. I start to cry.
“Ben, I can explain.”
“Please do Emmie. Because what I am holding right now makes me worry. I won’t judge you just please tell me the truth.” I just want to cry right now. He will be the first person I’ve ever told.
“Okay, throughout high school I was bullied. Severely. I was picked on for the clothes I wore, for my sexuality, for my hair, my piercings, just everything. Then I would go home to my abusive, drunk father who I couldn’t get away from. My mom tried to ignore it. He would only do the same to her. I felt, no, I still feel terrible because of it all. I cut, at least once a week and I have attempted suicide. My mom found me and thought it was just another bad beating from my dad. He came to me in the hospital room and said that he wished I succeeded. I cut as soon as I got home. I’ve never felt wanted. Not even in my own home. I…” I start to cry and Ben pulls me in against his chest in a big bear hug.
“Emmie, I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. But please don’t hurt yourself anymore. Please. You are only causing yourself more physical pain. It may help temporarily with the pain inside you but that pain will only return. It will get better love, I swear. Stay here with me. I will protect you from anything and anyone.” I only cry harder. I have never shown anyone this side of me before.
“Do you really mean that Ben?”
“Of course I mean it love. I will always mean it. But you have to do something first.” I start to worry. What could he possibly want. Fuck. He’s going to want sex. All those girls were right. I’m just going to end up being a band whore.
“What would that be Ben?” I say as I look up at him.
“I want you to throw away all your razor blades. Anything you can or have or will use to hurt yourself with. I don’t want you doing that to yourself anymore. You are so fucking beautiful I can’t even believe it. No one should have pushed you to the point of self harm or suicide. You don’t deserve it. Please come and stay with me Emmie. I will make you feel loved in every way that everyone else should’ve. Please just stay with me.”
“Yes Ben. Yes, I will stay with you.”
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Self Destruction (an asking alexandria fan fic)
FanfictionEmmie is finally going to get away from her crazy parents. she's headed to an asking Alexandria concert but little does she know she is going to be spending much more than a week away from her parents
