I'm Not Sorry - Trixya

- 8 -

Trixies POV

I didn't know that I could run so fast in six inch heels but as the wind slapped my face I ran faster and faster with each stride. I had to get to the bridge.

I had a feeling this was going to happen sooner or later. Apparently sooner was the chosen outcome. I had mascara and eyeliner running down my face from a mix of sweat and tears.

Soon I was at the end of the bridge and I saw Katya pacing with her usual major breakdown sign of hair pulling. How the fuck do I approach this in a way where she doesn't jump into the busy traffic below. Fuck.

I take a breath before I start walking forward slowly. "Kats..." I say carefully as I get closer. She looks up panicked before jumping the fence sitting on it. "No please. Listen. I'm here." I say softly causing her to look at me.

"They keep telling me that I'm useless Trixie. That they are going to take over my mind and make everything alright but I don't want them to do that. They'd hurt you, mom, dad, anyone and everyone." She says with an absolutely petrified look on her face. "They're going to get me." She looks ahead again.

"Okay Kat. Why don't you hop down." She looks at me again as I push up my glasses. "I know this isn't you right now." She keeps turning to the traffic and then to me.

"They're going to get me!" She cries out again before I take a small step forwards.

"No I promise. They won't. Come on down for me Katya. Please Katya, baby, for me?" I call out as she turns around swinging one leg back over.

"Promise?" She asks. I knew that it wasn't something I could physically promise but it had to be done. Anything to get my baby down.

"Yes I promise. Come down please. I love you." I say smiling at her holding a hand out. As soon as she has my hand and is back on the bridge I pull her into me. "You fucking scared me baby." I whimper as I cry.

I know that I would never be able to cope without her. She hugs me back tighter than I am. "I'm sorry." She says softly.

"Katya. It's okay. You're okay." I whisper back. I want to get off this bridge and I can tell she wants to as well. I start to pull her along and soon we're at my new, pastel pink VW bug. I bring her into the backseat and hug her again.

I have so much in my mind right now.  She dips down and kisses my temple hard as she continues to mutter 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

Once I calm down I pull Katya into my body as close as possible, never wanting to let go. She pulls on the sleave of my pink gingham shirt causing me to look down at her face. "C-can you s-sing to me please." She asks and I nod, pushing hair out of her face. Before singing my usual song. The one I wrote for her called soldier.

When I finished she was calm. We both were. "Amazing. As always." She says smiling softly. I look outside and see the sky is a pinky gold colour.

"The sky is so pretty." I respond before looking to Katyas face which was unreasonably close to mine. "Just like you." I add in a whisper before capturing her lips in a soft kiss.

"Can you stay over tonight please?" She asks when she pulls back. I nod and she smiles widely clambering over into the front seat. I follow suit getting into the drivers side.

"You choose some music hmm?" I suggest and it takes barely 60 seconds for some Marina and the diamonds to start playing through the speakers. "You're a damn weirdo."

Soon we're in her new apartment cuddled up on the bed as I demand that she gives me hugs. Her hands trail up and down my arms softly as we stare at each other.

"Shut uppppppppp" Katya groans after a while. Her voice is full of annoyance as her face contorts into a frown.

"Hey. I'm here." I say snuggling closer putting my head against her chest. I hear her heart rate slowly go down from erratic to normal over time until eventually she's asleep with her arms wrapped around me.

Maybe everything would actually be okay eventually.