f r i e n d s || mark lee

update.

I want to apologize for my inconsistency, it's annoying and I feel so terrible about it. I've just had so much going on in my life from college to family problems and to be completely honest my heart is broken.

I play lacrosse so I don't get home until 7 or 8, and I take 5 AP classes. To say I'm stressed is an understatement, it's honestly gotten so bad where even my essays in school suck. And as an aspiring writer, it's just so disheartening. I lack so much motivation, getting out of bed every morning is a genuine struggle. I feel like I'm making excuses but this has honestly been what's been going on in my life.

And let me just say: don't try to be in a relationship with your best friend.

That. Shit. Hurts.

He was someone that always encouraged me to write, and so losing him as both a best friend and love interest hurts. And I never expected him to do what he did, part of me doesn't want to believe it.

The only positive thing in my life is that I know what school I'm going to and I was awarded $67k. But now I'm facing the reality that I have to leave my mom, who's my best friend. And I'm an only child so my mom and I have always been so close and I don't want to leave her all by herself. I don't want to be a failure either. What if I can't keep up in college?? I'm just so so scared

Also I've been feeling guilty about not spending more time with my great grandfather before he passed away in the fall. He had Alzheimer's and was my only living grandfather. I just wish I did more.

And now I'm crying as I type this, and I feel like I'm losing myself. It hurts so much.

I'm going to stop here, and once again I'm so sorry. I'm pretty sure you guys will be upset because this isn't the update that you guys want but I feel like I owe y'all not only an apologize but an explanation too.

I'm going to try my absolute hardest to start writing again, and I'm sorry if it takes long.

I'm also sorry if you've completely lost interest in this story and have grown frustrated with me.

I'm just really sorry guys and I'm going to try my best to be better