Last night after showing Melanie my new song I took her back to her dorm by carrying her on my back for almost twenty streets.
This girl will be the death of me.
Now that it's morning time, I'm just making sure that everything I need for winter break is packed before we take this six hour drive up to Canada. As I packed I heard a knock on our door but Jaehyun quickly answered because he was leaving for his flight soon.
"Uhhh Mark there's someone here to talk to you...?", since I heard the great amount of hesitation in his voice I decided to go into the living room to see who it was.
It was Raven. "I'll just let you guys talk..." Jaehyun said awkwardly as he retreated back into his room.
"I'm not trying to be rude or anything but why are you here?" I asked rather bluntly. After finding out what she did and knowing that she's jealous of Melanie and I's friendship, it just makes me lose a bit of respect for her.
"Look Mark I'm sorry! I know I betrayed your trust but I don't think this is something to just stop what our relationship was blossoming into over! I let my jealousy get the best of me, which was wrong and childish. But I care about you and Mel too much to just let you two stay mad at me!" It's almost as if I could hear the desperation in her voice. Although I wanted to believe that it was genuine, I couldn't fully buy into it.
"If you care so much, did you apologize to Melanie yet? You were her friend first and she deserves your loyalty more than me." I spoke sternly only to be match by Raven's rage.
"Why do you always bring up Melanie! I don't understand you Mark! You always put Melanie first!"
I just had to pause. Was she right? Since we were little kids I've always felt protective over Melanie. I never thought much about it because it just felt right, like second nature. I know deep down she feels the same.
Right?
"Melanie has been my best friend for years, I'm not going to neglect my friendship with her for someone that is temporary!" I spat.
Once these words left my mouth I felt just how much they actually stung. Raven's face was always very stoic, but for a split second I could see just how those words hurt her, "how do you expect anyone to become permanent in your life if you only prioritize one person over anyone else?"
The room fell silent because there wasn't much to say back. Raven was right, for some reason I never considered her to be long term. But I never thought that it was because I only wanted Melanie long term.
"Mark"
"Yes Raven?"
"Do you like Mel?", I could hear Raven fight back tears as she tried to maintain her serious face.
"No! That's my best friend. And that's that."
"Fine. Let me make myself more clear-
Do you love her?"
I couldn't answer her. Of course I love Melanie that's my best friend, but we both know how she meant it. I'm happy for Mel and Lucas, her happiness makes me happy. I never thought of loving Melanie more than that. That thought seems so foreign to me. I love Melanie, but I'm not in love with her.
"As my best friend of course I do"
"You're lying to yourself Mark", and with that Raven picked up her purse and left. The living room felt eerie and cold.
Was I really lying to myself? No I wasn't. Raven was talking out of anger. That's all.
I went back to my room and continued to pack my things while my mind began to run rampant. So many thoughts were just lingering in my mind, should I talk to Mel about it?
No I shouldn't, it'll make things awkward.
But why not she's my best friend after all! She always comes to me about her problems, why can't I bring myself to do the same?
"Hey are you okay? That seemed pretty intense..." Jaehyun whispered as he creeped into my room.
"I have a question." I asked completely disregarding anything that he just said.
"Yea go for it." Jaehyun said with a chuckle as he leaned on the wall.
"Is it possible to be best friends with a girl without falling in love with her?"
"It depends. I've personally stayed friends with certain girls mainly because I've solely viewed them as almost a sister to me. I find that a lot of the time people blur the line between best friends and soul mates. Sometimes a person is actually your soul mate but you are too oblivious to acknowledge them as such, forcing them into this category of being your best friend because you're too afraid of taking that leap"
I didn't know what to say. Now I was more confused than I was before, this isn't what I was looking for. At all.
I think Jaehyun noticed and continued on, "I'm sorry if that's not what you were looking for. But you need to follow your heart and be honest with yourself Mark." And with that he left to the airport.
As I sat alone I just couldn't stop thinking about what I was going to do, especially because we were leaving for our road trip soon. I hopped into the shower and just enjoyed being by myself for a little while. Once I got out I changed into my sweats and took my bags out to the living room. As I went to go call Melanie I heard another knock on the door.
Oh my gosh can I get a break
It was Lucas.
"Heyyy man! I hope I'm not intruding-" he said with a sarcastic laugh. "But I just want to talk to you about this road trip while Mel is outside parking the car."
I didn't say anything, he swiftly approached me and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Don't try anything on Melanie. I know you and Raven broke up, but don't try to pity my girl friend in order to get some attention. Got it?"
Is he serious? Why would I want pity if I'm the one that broke up with Raven! I kept my calm and just nodded my head, "there's nothing to worry about."
Lucas gave his famous smirk as Melanie walked into the apartment shouting:
"WHO'S READY FOR A ROOOOOADTRIP!!!!"
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I would just like to say I'm sorry for not updating in I believe three weeks! I've just been super busy with senior year and I've been super sick all week 😔. Anyways nct dream's comeback was literally magnificent omg I cry-
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This is the best part of the choreography don't @ me
