A Player's Game

Chapter 26: I'm Doing It

Stella

"Hey," Frankie said as he came up to my locker.

"Hey," I replied with a small smile on face.

"If you're worried about Logan, he hasn't come to school since the accident, so you're good. Don't stress. Just focus on school right now."

It's like he could read my mind. It was my first day back since the accident and I was nervous that I'd see Logan. I knew that should be the last thing on my mind, but I couldn't help but try to picture his face in my mind. I hadn't seen him since he came to visit me in the hospital and I made him leave and my friends told me that I should let him explain and that's all that has been on my mind for the last two weeks. I want to see him, but part of me doesn't because a very small part of me is mad that he lied.

"I know I should focus on school, it's just . . . I can't stop thinking about him. Like he's constantly on my mind and I don't know how to stop that. I'm always trying to picture him in my head, thinking about what he's doing or if he's thinking about me. But you're right. I need to focus on other things."

"You'll stop thinking about him eventually and maybe you need to talk to him to get closure. I don't know. It's obviously up to you, I just think if he really needed to tell you something that bad and he kept it a secret for so long, it was for a good reason, but that's my opinion, you can do whatever you want."

I shut my locker and look straight at him, "I know it's up to me and maybe you're right, but I just don't know if I'm ready for that just yet."

"Yeah, no. Take your time. You don't need to rush into that, focus on your recovery and then after that see how you feel."

"Thanks. See you at lunch?" I asked, checking the time on my phone. First period was about to start.

"Definitely."

~

I went to all my classes and realized I was extremely behind in all of them, but since my teachers heard what had happened, they were willing to give me extra time on all the assignments and tests I missed when I was in the hospital.

I spent two weeks in the hospitals. Two weeks of blood tests, X-rays, gross hospital food, and worst of all: no Logan. After he visited the first time, he never showed up again. He never once tried to call me, text me, or see me and a part of me wondered if he was okay. It wasn't like him to just not try at all, especially after he made it clear that day in the hospital that we weren't over. When he said that, I felt hope, that somehow we would be able to put the past behind us, but that hope completely dissipated when I never heard from him after that.

Day 2 to day 5 was just filled with anger. I couldn't stand the fact that somehow the pain of the bruises covering my body, the headache from the concussion, and the broken bones didn't compare to the pain of missing him. I hate what he did because I was always so honest with him, but I still missed him. I even got upset when I couldn't picture his face.

Day 6 and 7 were the days I accepted my injuries; accepted what happened and continued hospital life with my family and friends visiting. My grandmother brought me lots of food so it made me feel a little better.

Day 8 I was just feeling hopeless. I didn't know when I was getting out; I didn't know when I was going to be able to go to school and I sure as hell didn't know when I'd feel back to normal: emotionally and physically.

By day 11, all I wanted to do was to get out of the tiny hospital room I was confined in. The doctors were saying it looked like I could leave soon, but they didn't say exactly when; therefore, I was anxious to find out.

Day 12 my doctor told me I would be leaving which was a relief, considering those 12 days felt like a decade. My friends had visited me again and I was able to convince one of the nurses to let me go to the cafeteria with my friends, but I wasn't allowed to walk myself there, so Frankie got stuck wheeling me around. I remember that was the first day I wasn't sad about anything Logan-related.

That went out the window on day 13 and 14 when I found myself upset that he hadn't tried to see me, completely forgetting that I was the one who told him to go away. I wish I hadn't. But at least I was able to leave to hospital room and think about him in the comfort of my own home.

"You ready?" Frankie interrupted my thoughts as he asked me if I was ready to go home. I replied with a simple yes and we continued to walk to his car to go home. I haven't driven a car since the accident and thought of driving was terrifying. I know the possibility of that happening again are slim to none, however, I felt unsafe for some reason.

He pulled into my driveway and I unbuckled my seatbelt and left but not before I said, "I think I want to see him."

Frankie's eyes went wide and I knew he was just as shocked as I was with what just came out of my mouth.

"Really?! Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Yes. You're the one who said this morning if he kept it a secret for so long there must've been a good reason, right?"

"Yeah I know, it's just a big thing for you and I don't want you to get upset if it doesn't go the way you had hoped," he had a look of concern on face and to be honest, I completely understand why. I didn't know what he was going to say or if I'd even be able to talk to him. "When are you thinking about seeing him?"

"Tonight," I blurted.

"Did you want me to drive you?"

"Actually, yes, please. It's like you can read my mind. Pick me up at 7?"

"See you at 7."

I smiled and grabbed my book bag before closing the door. What did I just get myself into?

~

Frankie was at my house at 7:03 and I was ready by the door. And nervous.

I put on more makeup than I usually do, made sure my wavy hair looked okay, and put on a nice outfit. I put more effort into my appearance than I usually did, but I hadn't seen this boy in two weeks and I wanted him to see I was doing better than what I lead on.

I gave Frankie the directions to his house from what I could remember. I was bad with addresses.

The way there, I was becoming more and more nervous: my hands wouldn't stop shaking and they were getting so sweaty. And my cheeks felt hot. Like burning hot.

When we pulled into the driveway, I hesitated to get out and I turned to Frankie, "how about we just pull right back out and pretend I never had this crazy idea."

"No, you're doing this. Deep down you know you want to. So go and text me when u need to be picked up okay?"

"Okay . . . thank you for this," I smiled and got out of the car. The cold air felt nice on my burning skin.

I slowly walked up to the front of his house and knocked on the door. I put my hands on my pockets so when he opened the door he wouldn't notice my shaking hands. My body, however tensed as I saw the door knob twist.

My eyes must've grown 3 times larger in size when I saw who opened the door. She kind of resembled Logan in way. They had the same eyes. The same beautiful eyes.

"Hi, you must be Stella."