Living with the Boys [Complete]

16. Our Beginning

I only have 3 weeks left of university and there's only one more chapter and the Epilogue in this book!! How have you guys enjoyed it so far??

Mark's POV

"I'm saying that I want to actually see if there could be an us. I don't want to keep avoiding you because I think I'll do something I'll regret." I manage to say after a while, I don't have anything planned out right now and I have no idea where this is going to go but he is right.

For the past month, at least we have been avoiding each other and things have been pretty forced, which is something I don't want with my best friend. I was confused about seeing him in a different way, in a way that I never thought I would look at my best friend, let alone a guy.

"You want there to be an us?" He asks and I am taken back by how quiet he is and the fact that he looks really nervous, I just thought that out of the two of us he would be confident and sure of everything, like he always is. I guess I'm not the only one feeling out of sorts here.

"Well, avoiding you and any feelings I had were not getting me or us anywhere. Hope and my brother knew something was wrong and without you to turn to, I just felt all alone for a long time and I didn't like it. This is way too deep for my liking." I laugh as I'm not used to baring myself like this, at least not in a public space or all in one go.

If I think back to the serious relationships I have had and if I had to pin point a single reason why I'm not with any of the girls now, it would have to be that I got scared. It's scary showing someone your darkest thoughts, even if they're not dark, some parts you just want to keep for yourself.

"I don't think I've ever heard you have a heart to heart with someone." He jokes, as he was there most of the times I broke up with my girlfriends and have been accused numerous times of not having a heart. I guess I'm good at doing romantic gestures once in a while but when it comes to actually talking about my feelings, I am the biggest jerk there is.

"Don't get used to it, today is probably going to be the only time in a while that I will share my feelings. How do people pay for this crap?" I ask while looking around the now empty coffee shop. I know a lot of people love therapy and find it amazingly healing but I can't see myself talking and sharing my feelings for an hour.

"Don't worry, I know what to expect, I'm your best friend remember?" He asks with a small smile and a part of me thinks that all of this is extremely weird, having these new feelings for him and now that we're actually acting on them is enough to bring on a migraine if I think about it hard enough.

"Does this feel a little weird to you too?" I ask, hoping that I didn't just put my food in my mouth with that question.

"In a way it does feel weird, I mean I wasn't planning on falling in love with you. Until a month ago I didn't even know if I was ready to go on a date with a guy, or even tell anyone that I wanted to. Then for a whole month I was panicking because I was in love with my best friend, who I thought was a straight guy. So, yes this is also a little weird for me." He explains and the other weird thing is how I get jealous every single time he mentions some other guy, I never thought of myself as a jealous person but it seems like with him every little thing can set me off.

"I am straight though, which is what's confusing me even more. I don't find other guys attractive, I've never thought about another guy like I do you or with women in the past, yet here we are and I'm sure that I have feelings for you." I try to explain something I don't even understand myself.

It would be so easy to label myself as bi as I am about to be in a relationship with a guy. Yet, I know for a fact that there is no other guy who could make me even think of anything like this. There are plenty of attractive men here on campus but I have not thought about kissing or fucking any of them, not even a little bit. I find it hard to understand because labels make things easier, but in this case, I couldn't think of anything that could make my life harder.