Living with the Boys [Complete]

15. Everything Changes

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I only have 5 weeks until I finish university as a whole and there are 3 more chapters left!! 2 chapters and the epilogue! How are you guys enjoying the book so far? I really hope you guys like it since I got so many comments on the one shot to make it into a book :D

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Martin's POV

I have no idea what I'm doing, where do I go from here? I have been in denial for the past decade and when I finally gather the courage to do something about it, he storms out. I have tried so hard to deny the fact that I'm attracted to men, it feels like a long time coming for me to be true to myself.

Going on those dates this past months have felt like true freedom. I have not had one person give me a dirty look or make a mean comment, I felt truly happy for the first time in maybe my whole life. Even though I knew I was not in love with the guys I went on dates with, that didn't mean I didn't enjoy their company and finding this new part of myself.

I never knew how much sharing the burden was going to set me free, telling Hope my true feelings was one of the best things I have ever done. She took it so well but then I never thought she would be any different. She is the gentlest and most kind soul I have ever met, I knew telling her first was the right thing to do.

Sometimes she would even cover for me when I had a date or she was my phone light up before me. It does feel kind of strange to an extent that I was and still am so attracted to her, love her in fact, but at the same time I am drawn to someone else completely. There is just a long list of things that I'm confused about right now, but my feelings for him are not one of those things; I just wish he felt the same.

"What's wrong?" Hope asks in front of me and she looks quite worried, I don't know whether it's because of me or the fact that Mark has once again stormed out after an argument with me or the fact that I look as if I have seen a ghost, at least that's how I feel.

I know that she felt like something more was going on than what I told her, and the truth would be that she was right. I have been keeping this secret for the past couple of months and I'm just tired, I don't want to keep it anymore. I have no idea if telling Hope is the right thing this time but I find myself short of people I could talk to.

"I need to talk to you." I force the words through my dry throat and I feel as though I have run a marathon when in fact I don't think I've moved from this same spot for the last hour or more. I no longer have any concept for time and how it passes.

"Did you have another fight with Mark?" She asks and I would love to know what is going through her head right now, what she must be thinking. I think it must be obvious what just went down between us but even though I lived it, I have no idea what it means.

"That's one way to put it." I say as the adrenaline starts wearing off and I fear my legs are going to give out under me. I move to collapse onto the couch, my head beginning to pound as I think about everything that has happened in the past 15 minutes.

"Do you want me to make you some tea?" She asks like always when someone has a headache, and judging by the fact that I am clutching my head in my hands is kind of a dead giveaway.

"No, I'm okay. I guess it's time that I told you everything, right?" I ask without looking at her. I feel her take a seat next to me and her hand covering mine on my knee, her silent support helping me come together right now.

"You can tell me as much as you want to." She replies and of course she knows just the right thing to say, at the right time. A small part of me is mad that I'm in love with him, why couldn't I be in love with Hope? Then everything would have been a lot more straightforward and there would be a lot less heartbreak.